Dr. Zodiac

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) – With Labor Day upon us, this is your chance to show off what you’ve been working on all summer – your hot dog eating skills. You’ve been the reigning champion since the Fourth of July and this is no time to let that title slip away. The pressure is on, this is your time to shine.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23) – – Quit holding back on your creativity. The line of break-up cards you’ve been designing is genius. Just think of going into Walgreen’s and seeing them situated between the Get Well and Birthday sections. Drugstore owners across America will have to rearrange their card aisles to accommodate your brilliance. If that doesn’t inspire you, I don’t know what will.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 21) – Has your exercise plan been failing you lately due to the heat? Try some alternatives. Shoplift from the mall. There’s no better workout than running from the cops, and this way you’ll be able to do it in the air conditioning.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – Your secret is out. Behind the Grateful Dead bumper stickers and Harpua license plate, whenever you’re alone in your car you’re blaring Brooks and Dunn and Kenny Chesney. Not only that, but you know every word. Maybe it’s time to roll the windows down and let the world know how you really feel.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) – You’ve been living in la-la land for the past couple of months, and now it’s time to come back to the real world. The best way to do this? Start by running a comb through your hair or maybe even go for a full out shower. Just as long as you stop daydreaming out the window and go see what’s out there.

AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) – All this hype about “High School Musical 2” is making you wonder why we don’t break into song and dance at random. I say go for it. What do you have to lose besides your dignity, self-respect and general impression of sanity?

PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – With the seasons starting to change, you should too. Wait, we live in Mobile, Alabama, home to only one season. Just stay the same, you’re doing great.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – You’ve been stuck in a rut lately that you will soon be out of. All you have to do is drastically change your appearance. Cut and dye your hair, get a tattoo and start wearing an eye patch. I promise you’ll feel like a new person in no time.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – You are rapidly becoming a living legend. Sounds great, right? Unfortunately the tales of your bad self are starting to surpass how bad you actually are. Time to step it up a notch. Go out on a rampage and show the city of Mobile what you can really do.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) -Congratulations on your recent romantic endeavor. While it might seem perfect now, you need to be wary. Some relationships are made in Heaven. Yours was made in China. But that’s ok, tons of great things were made in China, right?

CANCER (June 22 – July 22) – Your system of organized chaos is staring to take a toll on the people you live with. People keep cooking stuff in the kitchen for a reason. Just because it makes sense to you does not mean it will make sense to your friends. Or anyone else for that matter.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) – Lately it seems that you have been the first one to go out at night and the last one to head home. I know you think you are being the life of the party, but your friends are starting to talk. Here’s am idea- if you go to Happy Hour at Wintzell’s you don’t have to shut Boo Radley’s down later. And once you’ve fallen off a barstool, game over.

Contact Dr. Zodiac at docz@lagniappemobile.com.

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