Dr. Zodiac

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – You figure that the writer’s strike is probably never going to end, and you see it as a career opportunity to become the next reality superstar. The trick is to be different from all the rest of the terribleness out there. You can’t just do a regular dating show. You need to look for true love in which the winner will also become your personal assistant and a supermodel in the end.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) – You will get in a fight this weekend that will involve a pack of rednecks and a 4’10” girl with a metal pole. Watch your nose, you won’t be able to put anything up it if it gets broken. Go see Juno, it’s a good movie.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb.18) – Birthday’s coming up! Your significant other is going to surprise you with either a huge extravaganza or some gift you know they only bought because they wanted it. Either way, you’re about to have the best year of your life. Re-gift everything you got for Christmas to your fellow Aquarius friends. Steer clear of shellfish on the 29th.

PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – You’ve been spending a lot of time lately looking up plane tickets to different places and I think that that means a trip is in order. After all the Mardi Gras shenanigans that are about to begin, you going to need to get out of Mob for a while. Since we have yet to get winter (besides that brief period when it went down to the 20s and everyone stayed inside and whined for two days), you should go somewhere where you can actually wear that coat you bought last year and haven’t even removed the tags from yet.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – You will meet somebody at the bar this weekend and for some reason agree to go to a Mardi Gras ball, their company’s awards ceremony and their brother’s wedding (which they are in) with them. Unfortunately you won’t be able to remember their name the next day, or really what they look like. Just the fact that they are definitely not cute.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – Lately you’ve felt like your new love interest seems to know random things about you that you have never told them. If your worried that they might be spending a lot of time looking at your Facebook and MySpace profiles, you’re right. They’ve been checking it multiple times a day. At least that’s a sign that they are really into you. Or, maybe they’re just really creepy, too.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – You have been constantly sick for a couple of months now. Normally I would blame the weather at this time of year, but I think it might just be your diet of alcohol, chips and salsa, Diet Coke and cheese. Seriously, when was the last time you ate a real meal? Take a multivitamin and get some sleep this weekend.

CANCER (June 22 – July 22)- You will fall on the floor at Boo Radley’s and end up sitting there until you leave. You actually won’t realize that you’re ready to leave until one of your friends comes up to you and lets you know they found you a ride home. Of course you will wake up with mysterious bruises all over your body but you should be used to that by now. It’s probably time for you to find a new scene.

LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22) – A friend will make you a mixed CD with all the songs that remind them of you, which unfortunately are really cheesy love songs. “Love Hurts” will actually be on there twice. However, this is not their way of telling you they like you. They actually just don’t know you at all and thought you would like that type of music.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) – You know that one friend who calls you all day long for no reason? They will mysteriously stop calling this week. Don’t worry, everything is ok. But as much as you complained about them, you will actually miss getting those calls. You will become the friend who starts calling all the time. Isn’t it funny how life works like that? You will at least finally start answering your phone on a regular basis, once you understand how they feel.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23) – You will fall asleep in your bed like normal, but then wake up in your roommate’s room wearing your last year’s Halloween costume. This I cannot explain, but it will thoroughly creep you and the roommate out. You will be so scared that it’s going to happen again that you won’t be able to sleep for a week. One night when you can’t sleep you will start cleaning out your closet and find your favorite sweater you’ve been looking for for months.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 -Nov. 21) – You will find happiness this week when you run into an old friend form high school. You will be instant best friends again and start spending all your time together. The people you were hanging out with before will start to get annoyed when you don’t ever hang out with them anymore, so be careful of that. Your New Years resolution will actually work this year.

Contact Dr. Zodiac at docz@lagniappemobile.com.

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