Mobile Magnified

I’m not even sure if King Felix has declared lawlessness or misrule yet (or whatever it is he does while sporting puffy pants), but it seems that way to me. From the coldest of cold to the warmest of warm parades, the Fruit Loop and High Society spies, along with the ol’ Boozester here and a few “man on the street” spies have been keeping track of all your Mardi Gras Madness. So dig into it like a nanner moonpie. Or chocolate – whichever you prefer.

The Condes

Despite the threat of rain, revelers headed to downtown Mobile Friday, Jan. 18 to watch what is widely considered the first “real” parade of the Mardi Gras season (sorry Dauphin Island!). One group of “street” spies (stationed near the library) were impressed with the number of stuffed animals garnered from the Condes. Though others (near The Tower at Ryan Park) felt cheated. Oh well. I guess is all just depends on where you stand.

The Pharaohs and Conde Explorers

Well, they did have to contend with arctic temperatures and light crowds because of said temperatures and even the Boozester braved this one with some out-of-towners. But they threw some weird stuff. We caught a bikini still on a hanger with the tags still on it. What the hell? Thankfully the sanitary panty protector was still there, but what are we going to start throwing next? Tampons?

Senior Bowl Sightings

One local proprietor noted sadly that former Tennessee quarterback Eric Ainge and family racked up a $78 tab in his place and proffered a scant $7 tip. Guess he wasn’t willing to “Volunteer” even a 15 percent tip.”That’s pretty poor for a guy about to sign an NFL contract,” sniffed our miffed proprietor.

We also hear a new Detroit Lions position coach got a bit crazy at Veet’s one night, walking up to new San Franciso 49ers GM Scott McCloughan and slapping a blackberry from McCloughan’s hands. The pissed Lion then reportedly stepped on the wireless device and said, “You don’t mess with me!”

According to our spy, the altercation was completely unprovoked and the two had not spoken prior to the blackberry smashing. Maybe it’s time for someone to get his prescription refilled.

Pittsburg Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin apparently likes his fancy tequila. Our lovely Veet’s spy tells us Tomlin and 17 of his closest friends came into the LoDa establishment and began ordering Patron like it was the cure for winning in the playoffs. At the end of the evening, they’d racked up more than 100 shots and a $1,602 tab! Talk about a hangover.

Seems the young coach was at least trying to keep it together a bit and opted for some good ol’ H2O at some point. His drinking mates would have none of it, though, unless he agreed to drink out of an “altered” vessel.

They asked one of the Veet’s lovelies to take a black marker and write a slang feline term for the female part of the anatomy on the side of a plastic cup in which Tomlin’s water was served. My spy says he was only allowed to drink out of that cup.

Something must have worked for Tomlin because at the end of the night he still had enough wherewithal to take back the “company” credit card he’d been using to secure the night’s frivolity and replace it with his personal card. Don’t want to have to answer to the Rooney’s on that one.

Lovely ladies were also seen dancing with San Diego Chargers owner Alex Spanos at Veet’s. Well, at leas they think that’s who it was after looking at pictures of coaches and owners on the Internet.

Callaghan’s had three sightings. University of Alabama head coach Nick Saban and Auburn’s Tommy Tuberville. No, they weren’t there together. They came separately, as did Saints head coach Sean Payton.

Comic Cowboys

I had a few spies at the Comic Cowboys barn party and let me just tell you, you guys are in for a treat. I don’t want to rain on their parade, so I’m not going to tell you what all they said but if I were Herman Thomas I would just stay home that day. And let’s hope the Thyssen Krupp Germans are in Dusseldorf.

The spies also said they got to grab Queen Eva’s boobs. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of seeing Queen Eva, “she” is a very hairy man in a blue dress.

Indigo Girls at Saenger

Attendees at the Brandi Carlile/Indigo Girls show at the Saenger Jan. 26 were treated to a pretty extraordinary performance by Miss Carlile, who our spy says has one of the more incredible voices ever. At one point, Carlile and her band stepped out from behind the mics, unplugged their instruments and performed a song completely acoustic and unamplified – a pretty impressive feat.

The crowd was so taken with Carlile that at the end of the night a young woman jumped up on the stage and grabbed her in a bear hug. Carlile, who was then performing with the Indigos, froze in terror before a security guy who looked something like a Guardian Angel came to her rescue. The shaken Carlile left the stage for a few minutes, but returned a song or so later.

Our spy also said there were lots of ladies using the men’s room during the show. When he asked if he was in the wrong bathroom, one lady piped up, “Hey, if this was a Melissa Etheridge show, the women would be using the urinals!” Quite an endorsement.

Correction

Last issue, we reported we had heard Al Stokes had a personalized vanity plate on his new truck that read “DIS B 4 ME.” Al says this is not true, and he wouldn’t tell me what it actually said, so if you see him riding around, jot it down for me.

Well kids that’s all I got. Let’s just try to make it to Ash Wednesday. I know, it’s hard. But I think we can do it. And just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ Queen Eva lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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