Mobile Magnified

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. My gossip cup has overfloweth the past couple of weeks, with big celebrities making appearances all around us. I don’t know what’s going on, but apparently these A-listers have found themselves a new L.A. And I’m sure they thought they were safe from the paparazzi, not knowing the Boozester and her spies are always watching. So grab some big sunglasses and a bottle of bubbly and dig into Mobile Magnified: LA Edition.

Brad Pitt in Fairhope

I had a report that Brad Pitt was staying at The Grand Hotel last weekend and was spotted around town possibly in a black Mercedes and shopping at M&F’s, an upscale ladies’ store. Maybe he picking up something for his pregnant leading lady, Angelina Jolie?

I also heard ladies’ apparel was not the only thing he may have been shopping for. People were speculating he might have been looking for a hospital to deliver the next Jolie-Pitt bundle of joy.

No word on if any Baldwin County children were adopted this weekend.

Manning at the Bama

We all know New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning knows how to handle a ball, but will he be equally adept at handling a ball and a chain? Let’s hope so because it seems this year’s winning Super Bowl QB had his bachelor party at the Flora-Bama the weekend of March 29-30.

I wish I could give you more scoop, but the spies who reported this were old men who had been playing golf all day and were tired at 10 p.m., so they didn’t stick around to see if any toothless Flora-Bama “ladies” in Rebel Flag bikinis tried to give Eli a farewell smooch. I kind of doubt it.

The Boozester, not that they care or will ever read this, wishes Manning and his bride-to-be many touchdowns on and off the field. OK, that last line was so cheesy – somebody please get me a cracker!

Sheryl Crow at The Red Bar

Speaking of celebrities in dive bars, my Seaside/Grayton/Rosemary Beach spy reported Sheryl Crow sat in with house band Dread Clampett at The Red Bar in Seaside, Fla., a couple of weeks ago. Crow owns a house very near the joint famous for its smoked tuna dip and kitschy décor.

Local bluegrass fans have probably seen the stylings of Dread Clampett, as they have played ‘round these parts at Callaghan’s in the OGD and Pirate’s Cove in Josephine. I wonder if they put some twang in “Everyday is a Winding Road” or “All I Wanna Do.” You can catch Crow at JazzFest in NOLA April 25 or at the Pensacola Civic Center April 26. You can catch the Boozester at The Red Bar on as many summer Sundays as possible. I’ll be the one bathing in tuna dip.

Azalea Trail Run

This year’s ATR on March 29 had thousands pounding the pavements in their Nikes and New Balances, including Press-Register city hall reporter Dan Murtaugh who ran the 10K jaunt in an impressive 45 minutes. Go Dan, with your bad self!

The Two Mile Fun Run proved to be slightly more disturbing, as some parent thought it would be a good idea to let what looked to be a 1-year-old (he could’ve been even younger) participate in this. The poor baby looked like he might have learned to walk about two weeks prior and fell at least three times in the first 10 yards.

My co-spy and I just cringed as all of these high school kids were running around him. We were scared to death he was going to get trampled. Hopefully, he is OK, except for the bruises he had already sustained. Parents, I understand the importance of getting kids active early, but puh-leez!

Critical Mass Disaster

Speaking of disturbing events on ATR Day, a group of young cyclists decided to orchestrate a ride down Government Street immediately following the run. Two of my spies were excited to participate in this event called Critical Mass. They have these events in other larger cities and usually hundreds of bikers come out to ride on the streets to try and foster goodwill with motorists, who they hope will be a little more conscious and friendly to cyclists who are riding on the streets.

Sounds like a great event, right? Well, our spies said it would have been but the handful of angst-filled kids who organized and participated in this had other plans in mind. Instead of just taking up one lane of traffic as a group, which I’m told is the proper etiquette, these kids decided to take up all three lanes of Government. They started at the Bankhead Tunnel and by the time they got to Broad Street, there was a huge traffic jam. My spies (who were comparatively old) were mortified they were part of this.

“At the light at Broad and Government, this huge guy in an Expedition asked the head punk, ‘Hey guys, it’s cool if you take up one lane but why do you have to take up all three?”

Our spies were in total agreement with him.

The little punk smarted off to him and the Expedition guy threatened to get out and kick his ass. The punk, who weighed about 85 lbs, said, “There’s more of us than you.”

Our spies looked around at the rather small rebels and did not feel confident in the group’s ability to take this guy. Well, until they noticed one of the punks was armed.

“Yes, he had a large buck knife sticking out of the back of his black shorts. After the Broad and Government encounter, we now see why it is necessary to be armed while riding bikes with these guys,” one spy said.

Our spies split off from the group shortly after Broad Street. No word if the guy in the Expedition ever kicked the little punk’s ass. Or if anyone was fileted later.

Who’s your daddy?

If you’re not sure who your baby’s daddy is, apparently someone who lives on Elmira Street, between Michigan and Ann can help you out. While driving down it the other day on my way to the OGD, I noticed a sign in the window of someone’s house that read, “Who’s Your Daddy?” Then it had a number for a DNA testing lab. Now there’s a new approach to guerilla advertising. I wonder if this person was a satisfied “Who’s Your Daddy?” customer.

Flo Claire Street Party

It’s street party season in Mobile and the folks in Flo Claire kicked it off with a grand and thankfully dry affair. The rain finally subsided and guests were treated to the music of DaddyLongLegs. My spies said they successfully floated both kegs at Callaghans’ owner John Thompson’s house. And then cleaned out his refrigerator. Sounds like a good shindig to me.

Gay Pride Weekend

The Fruit Loop spies said Gay Pride went swell. They were thrilled to see Ms. Suzanne Cleveland, the founder of the local chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbian and Gays), serve as grand marshal. They said she looked fabulous.

Their second favorite part of the parade was the “three man dance troupe, dressed in tight leotards with cut outs.” Apparently they had some smooth moves.

They also mentioned the B-Bob’s “bees” as being a crowd favorite.

Well kids, that’s all I got this week, So just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or some plain ol’ Brad Pitt lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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