By Ashley Toland Editor

Last week at the Mobile City Council meeting, Councilman Clinton Johnson sought to have about $900,000 transferred to a drainage project and bridge repair in his district. The money was to come from a “dormant” fund that was originally to have been used for an aviation college at Brookley Field – a project that was ultimately funded by the state.

But Councilwoman Connie Hudson said hell to the no. She had asked the administration for a list of all dormant funds and they had not provided her with that list, and she was peeved. And as with most capital projects, Connie needed “additional information,” (which should be her middle name), so she planned to lay it over for a week to get her 411.

When Clinton got wind she was going to do this, he decided, in an unprecedented move (as far as anyone can remember anyway), to lay over 11 new agenda items for a week, in retaliation. A move he claims was not childish.

“I am not a kid taking his marbles and going home,” Johnson said.

By council rules, all resolutions being introduced for the first time must have the council’s unanimous consent in order to be voted on.

Though when asked after the meeting if he thought delaying the vote on such things as mowing weeds and granting cab drivers’ licenses would somehow change the fact his project was delayed for a week, he just said things like “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” and “if the devil sends you to hell, don’t send him to Heaven.”(Or something like that.)

So…. I am guessing the answer to that is, um, no?

CJ’s view is that if Connie is going to hold up his project because she is trying to make a point to the mayor about not getting her requested list, then he is going to hold up everything else to make a point….about something.

I understand the frustration with Connie “A. I.” Hudson. I mean, I want to make a giant booklet for her every week, full of appendices and pie charts and line graphs and all sorts of tables and stuff, so she will always have the “additional information” she so desperately desires.

But delaying the agenda an entire week?

Sorry, CJ, but it kind of sounds like your marbles are definitely at home, if not lost.

So I decided to call in Dr. Phil to see if he could somehow talk some sense into these two.

This is the transcript from the meeting:

Dr Phil: Welcome Clinton and Connie. I understand you two are having some problems, which has adversely affected the taxpayers of the City of Mobile. I’d like to hear a little more about this.

Connie: Dr. Phil, if I may, I don’t feel anything I did was out of line. This is a major capital project and we don’t know how much money is going to be needed to complete this, and I feel I certainly have the right to ask for additional information. It is my fiduciary responsibility.

Dr. Phil: Clinton, how does that make you feel?

CJ: Like I said, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Dr Phil: But what do you mean by that?

CJ: If I don’t get what I want, then nobody is getting anything.

Connie: See, Dr. Phil, he’s being unreasonable.

CJ: No, what’s unreasonable is that you want to stick your nose in other people’s districts. Do I mess with any of your projects or hold them up? No. I respect you and always follow your wishes and never question your judgment on the projects in your district. But you dare to question mine?

Dr. Phil: This is really a good breakthrough but Oprah’s on the line and is threatening to eat one of her cocker spaniels. So can you hold a moment…?

CJ and Connie glare at each other while Phil counsels Oprah.

Dr. Phil (on the phone to Oprah): Put down the dog, O. Go make yourself a nice roast beef sandwich….. Atta girl…. OK. I’ll call you later.

Dr. Phil (to Connie and CJ): Sorry. Anyway, Connie, I sense that CJ feels you don’t trust his judgment or the mayor’s or really anyone else’s?

Connie: Well…........that’s not entirely true. I trusted Ben Brooks.

Dr. Phil: What is it going to take for you to trust CJ’s judgment, Connie?

Connie: Um, can I get back to you on that, Phil?

CJ: This is precisely what I am referring to, Phil. When one question’s one’s intelligence and judgment, it is insulting to one. I have the discretion to make decisions without having to have reservations on the degradation or the interpretation of the isolation of one’s character.

Dr. Phil and Connie: Huh?

CJ: See, one is not even intelligent enough to understand one’s collection of fifty-cent words and one dares to question my bridge project. One should bite me.

Dr. Phil: This is clearly not working for CJ. He is not ready to let go of his anger. Connie, are you?

Connie: You know, Dr. Phil. I think I am going to need some more information on this.

Dr. Phil: Great. You can find my books on amazon.com.

Dr. Phil’s phone rings.

Dr. Phil (on the phone): Britney, you cannot batter your kids and deep-fry them. Step away from the Crisco.

Dr. Phil: I’m going to have to take this. Can we reschedule this for next week?

Connie and CJ agree.

The Mobile City Council voted on all resolutions held over by Councilman Johnson Tuesday, April 22.

Ashley Toland is Lagniappe editor. Contact her at ashleytoland@lagniappemobile.com.

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