Mobile Magnified

It’s been a long, strange two weeks. With local people appearing on “Judge Judy,” possums reading Lagniappes at Veet’s and morons wrestling alligators at The Bluegill, I’ve been a busy little Boozie. But I gathered this mess all for you, so sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining

A longtime downtown waiter, who worked at Drayton Place, Spot of Tea, Café 615 and (I think) Ruth’s Chris, was on “Judge Judy” recently. The show aired Memorial Day.

Our spy who saw it sent in this report.

“Plaintiff was a 54-year-old woman. The Mobilian is 39 years old.

“Plaintiff had been lending him money, initially to pay his rent in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. After that, the plaintiff flew him out to Sonoma for a vacation. Plaintiff said Sonoma trip was work-related, and he was supposed to pay her back and didn’t. Defendant claimed trip was to meet a group of women in same age range and they all had younger boyfriends with them, that he was her ‘boy toy’ that she was showing off. Plaintiff gave him more money related to rent that he never repaid. Plaintiff then brought defendant a promissory note which he refused to sign. Plaintiff later bought him a cell phone.

“Judge Judy was incredulous that he refused to sign promissory note and then she spent more money on him. When she asked the plaintiff why, plaintiff responded, ‘So I could call him up and remind him that he owed me money.’”

She once again gave him more money, around $700.

“At one point, Judge Judy told defendant, ‘You are not a very nice man and treat people badly.’”

Judge Judy eventually threw the case out.

Gator wrestling at The Gill

A couple of Sundays ago, local band Peek played at the The Bluegill. According to guitar player Timmy Dennis, the crowd was really great, but suddenly there was all this commotion behind the stage. Apparently, a little 5-foot alligator (probably a teenager) was chillin’ near the shore and some parents were showing it to their kids. Noticing the commotion, some genius came over and decided to “wrestle him.”

He was later arrested and taken to Metro, where certainly he, no doubt, found other beasts to “wrestle.” No word on the gator’s condition, but we’re assuming it’s fine.

Possums at Veet’s

The lovely ladies of Veet’s let us know we have a new fan. Apparently, they had a small possum out back behind their Royal Street digs (nice new sign, by the way), and while they were waiting for Animal Control, they offered him some quality reading material. They sent us these pictures. He is probably pissed there is no Nappie category for Best Varmint. Next year, Opie, next year!

Viva Las Vegas

Well, the Fruit Loop has been dead the last couple of weekends. Memorial Day weekend, all the gays were in Pensacola and the lesbians were in Navarre for their annual beach bash. You know, in honor of the soldiers.

Anyway, my FL spies went to Vegas the following weekend to see, um, Cher. I know, I know, it couldn’t be more stereotypical. Anyway, I got a blissful text from one of them, that read, “FL spy reporting from Vegas. So far I’ve seen Andre Agassi. So much hotter in person. And Linda Hogan (of Hulk Hogan fame). Both (not together) in 9 the steak restaurant in The Palms. Agassi is an owner. Again, I say hot. T-shirt and jeans with that great chest – pec – crease that is crazy hot.”

No word on Hogan’s pec crease.

Dewey Cox in Seaside?

I had a spy who is not sure but he said if actor John C. Riley (“Walk Hard,” “Magnolia” and “Boogie Nights”) was not at Bud and Alley’s in Seaside, Fla., Memorial Day weekend, then his twin was.

A Belle-wether?

I’m not going to make any comment about this letter. I’m just going to print it exactly as is, and you can form your own opinions. But it is a letter from the Fleet Belle campaign to the citizens of district 4. Belle is running for re-election to the school board.

“As we approach June 3rd to make crucial and critical choices, there is one issue that we must have dialogue and clarity. The issue of the recent cuts that were made in our system was never welcomed but due to the reserve funds of our system the cuts were warranted.

“The Belle campaign is empathetic to this issue. The cuts in many respects were life-altering and the people affected future’s mattered to us. Therefore, because of the immensity of the issue and our concerns for facts and clarity, we ask that you read the enclosed article by the Mobile Press Register.

“We ask that after the reading of the enclosed article that you would seriously consider supporting Fleet L. Belle for district 4. Let us not forget Reverend Belle inherited much of this problem and is busy seeking to bring relief where possible.”

The end of an era

Chassity and her motley crew of colorful tattoo artists and piercers are closing their doors on Dauphin Street and moving to DIP next to Mudbugs. She’s been a fixture on the downtown scene for many years, so it will be strange not having here there. We wish her luck on the DIP.

Just asking…

OK, so apparently one of the local political races it getting really nasty. I mean, really. There is some sort of flier going around alleging a certain male candidate got um, “stuck” to another male and had to go to the hospital to be separated. Is that even possible? Ahhh, local politics!

Well kids, that’s all I got this issue. But just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ man on man lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

Archives