Mobile Magnified

Nappie gossip and hot coons at Cafe 615

We’ve made it to the stickiest days of summer, where the only way to stay cool is to stay as close to naked as possible…. or drunk… or both, which is good stuff for a gossip columnist, like myself.

This “nues” cycle started off with the awesome 2008 Nappie Awards Show and party, which was truly the event of the summer. (They pay me to say that.) But we also have tales about raccoons and real estate, and apparently we are all a bit skanky.

Oh well. You win some; you lose some.

Nappie Awards scoop

For certain, no other 6-year-old in town celebrated his or her birthday the way Lagniappe celebrated its on Wednesday, July 16, (although I’ve seen a fair amount of liquor served at many a Mobilian’s sixth birthday bash, but that’s another story).

The night was kicked off by a cocktail hour for all of Mobile’s movers, shakers and troublemakers in the arcade and lobby of the beautiful Saenger Theatre. A delicious spread of food was provided by the Nappie award winners for “Best Locally-Owned Restaurant,” La Pizzeria. After all of the older business folk and younger tattoo kids (it was quite a diverse crowd) finished glaring at each other, everyone moved into the theater to start the show.

Local filmmakers Gideon Kennedy, Marcus Rosentrater and their crew once again delivered a fantastic intro video, check it out, the link is on the front page of our Web site, www.lagniappemobile.com.

Party-goers were stunned though when in the middle of the intro video, the “Alcoholic Beverage Control” decided to raid the theater, wearing bullet-proof vests and packing “heat.” The screen directed everyone to have their driver’s licenses, social security cards, mother’s maiden name and high school transcripts ready to present to the “agents.” No, it wasn’t the real ABC Board, just part of the show. But it was the prefect spoof, as they have been giving some of the downtown bars fits lately.

After the video and “invasion,” Rob and Ashley handed out the awards, which sort of became a big plug-fest, but it was fun nonetheless.

Here are some of the highlights:

When “Best Bartender” Christy Smithweck, who works at The Garage, accepted her award, she said, “Please pay your tabs.”

NBC 15 meteorologist Jim “J-Lo” Loznicka who won for “Most Eligible Bachelor” dedicated his Nappie to his soon-to-be ex-wife, which we’ll just say was the record-scratch moment of the night.

WABB’s Q-Tip and Intern Josh, who tied for “DJ whose voice leads you to believe you may want to see him naked,” gave voters the chance to see if they were right or wrong by taking their shirts off on stage.

The winner of the Nappie for “Best Wine Store” Neaude Gowns of Taste, accepted his award wearing a toga and drinking out of a large chalice. (But it had beer in it-not wine – shame shame!)

After the awards show, everyone flocked to the official after-party at the Joe Cain Café, where they sipped (or gulped) special Nappie drinks called Nappie Joes and listened to the sounds of Loose Cannons.

Lagniappe managing editor Rob Holbert along with his Glass Joe bandmate Kurt Wielkens stole the stage for a moment and shocked the corwd with a profane performance of “Gin and Juice.” It should be noted Glass Joe did not win any Nappie Awards.

Later, folks scattered to bars all around LoDa.

I hear at least one Nappie Award winner, who is good with hair, busted her bootie at Bacchus. And the Lagniappe crew shut Liquid down. Well done, guys. Well done.

The Alka-Sletzers were plop, plop, fizz, fizzing aplenty on Thursday morning, and many praised Jesus this party only comes around once a year.

Big Ben Lodmell

The very large house on Government Street purchased by “Big Ben” Lodmell is now for sale. Lodmell blew into town, bought a very showy house and announced a run for Congress before being arrested for allegedly attempting to solicit an undercover cop for sex during a prostitution sting. No word on where “Big Ben” will go next.

It’s getting’ hot in here

It seems on Sunday, July 20, some super-genius dressed in a seer-sucker suit, (along with his lady friend, who was wearing a large hat and Sunday suit), parked his big truck up in front of Café 615 and went into have some of their Nappie-award winning “Best Brunch.” This all would have been fine and lovely, except these people had a raccoon in a cage sitting on the back of the truck in the scorching heat.

The raccoon obviously had enough at some point and decided to start screaming very loudly, which got the attention of some of the 615 employees, who were outraged someone would do this to a creature, even if it is considered a nuisance.

So anyway, the employees asked the musician who was playing to ask whoever had brought their raccoon to brunch to please go and take care of it. This apparently fell upon deaf ears at first and eventually Animal Control was called, infuriating the brunchers, who said they had planned to release the coon when they finished.

Silly seer sucker! Don’t you know you always release your coon before brunch! Everybody knows that.

Mobile “On Top”

According to mingle2.com, Mobile, Ala., is the “Most Promiscuous City” in the United States, with our residents averaging around 19 sexual partners apiece, edging out Vancouver, Wash. (17 partners), Cleveland, Ohio, Tulsa, Oklahoma and Las Vegas Nevada, who each averaged 16. Finally we are “on top” of something. And bottom apparently.

B-Bob’s

Not only are we one of the “promiscuous,” cities in the nation, but we are also one of the “gayest cities in the Deep South,” according to Jason Dottley, who is the star on the new Logo Network (it’s like “Lifetime” for Gays) series “Sordid Lives,” which is based on the hit play.

While promoting the show, he visited B-Bob’s and said he was very impressed how desegregated our lesbians and gays were.

His mom was also with him and he said at 4 a.m he finally had to drag her back to the hotel. “When you can’t get mom home, you know the bar is rockin,” Sottley wrote on logononline.com.

Well kids, that’s all I got this issue. Try to stay as cool and dry as a cucumber or deodorant, and I’ll be back here next issue, delivering all the gossip sort of worth printing.

So just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ 19-partner lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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