Mobile Magnified

Fan me. Spritz me. Spray me down with a hose. I don’t care. Just help me keep cool. I can’t take this heat anymore, people. I feel like I’m living on the surface of the sun. It’s making me crazy and apparently a lot of you even crazier.

Nappie Party Animals

The Fourth Annual Nappie Awards party was absolutely fabulous -one of my favorites so far. The fete to honor the winners of the readers’ choice awards was held at the Museum of Mobile Wednesday, July 19 and attended by local movers, shakers and troublemakers. The food by Nappie-award winning “Best Chef” Ryan Wilder of Café 615 was deee-licious as was the music of Vibration Configuration.

The Acceptance Speeches

Local sports guru Randy Patrick of WKRG won for the 4th year in a row for “Best Sports Coverage,” an honor that has earned him the “Golden Sports Cup” each year. Yes, one of those cups. Yes, the ones that protect the family jewels.

In the past, the golden cup has been a youth cup, designed to protect the smaller jewels. But this year we decided to upgrade him to the adult size. As he accepted his award and Rob and Ashley pointed out his bigger cup, he replied, “It must be all that Internet Viagra.”

The award for Best Press-Register reporter went once again to Eddie Curran. Eddie was unable to make it, but he did send a very gracious and humble acceptance speech, honoring one of his fellow P-R reporters. It went, “I haven’t done much the past year, and I insist that the winner instead go to Gary McElroy, the best reporter on criminal courts in the USA and beyond.”

Uncle Henry secured his fourth victory for “Best Talk Radio Host,” but was too busy to come by and accept his award. (He was probably working on his shrine to former FOX 10 personality Dot Moore.) Anyway, he did send his lovely producer LeeAnna to accept his award. He asked us not to let her speak and to make sure her tattoos were covered up. All we can say is her voice is warm and her tatts are lovely.

The best speech of the evening though was for the “Hardest Working Councilperson.” Ben Brooks won the honor this year but was unable to make it. Fortunately his sassy campaign manager (he’s running for state legislature), Marilyn Culpepper, came and accepted the “Golden Shovel” on his behalf, while poking a little fun at her candidate. She joked, “For those of you who don’t know Ben Brooks, you probably think he’s a bit uptight… For those of you who do know Ben Brooks, you know he’s a bit uptight….” But she wrapped things up by praising his hard work and reminding everyone he would do the same if elected to the state leg.

Other Nappie Party Beer Nues…

Melon Lovers

Folks were a bit taken aback at first to see City Councilman William Carroll, along with city staffers Ann and Rick Rambeau, wearing pins reading “I Love Boobs.” Hearing about this and hoping for a scandalous tidbit for this here column, I strolled up to the Rambeaus and checked out their boob buttons. They did indeed profess love for the mammaries, however the fine print said something about breast cancer research, so I guess the noonie lovin’ was for a good cause.

The After Parties

After things slowed down at the Museum, folks scattered to various local drinking establishments for their own after-parties. I heard tales of post-party misbehavior at Callaghan’s, Heroes, Veet’s, Double Olive, The Lafayette Plaza’s Skyview Lounge (which is fabulous by the way) and The Whiskey.

But probably the best show was put on by Nappie winners Tammy Morgan (Best Bartender- Guido’s) and Noell Broughton (Most Eligible Bachelor) who apparently had some sort of dance-off outside Liquid. I heard there was tons of Roger Rabbitting, Cabbage Patching, Hood Waxing and some spastic dance Noell was doing that he dubbed “The White Boy.”

No surprise, we hear Tammy was the clear winner in this competition.

Congressman Catwoman

MobileBayTimes.com recently asked local politicos about the pets they owned and Democratic nominee for Congress, Vivian Beckerle, who is running against Jo Bonner, responded, “I have 18 cats, mixed breeds, all ‘rescues’ and dearly loved at our household.”

This is good news, girls! Your fate is not necessarily sealed if you own that many cats. Instead of dying alone and being eaten by them, you can run for Congress.

Finders Keepers and Weepers

One of my spies reported last week that a personal pleasure device was making its way around Springhill (Gasp).

He said the “sex toy” was “quite a large one with two ends” and was initially discovered at a rental house. Instead of throwing the toy away, the finder shoved it in the mailbox of a friend. From there, it made its way through quite a number of Springhill mailboxes before finally ending up at a Ridgelawn Drive address. Our informant said, “it took the last receiver/deliverer of the “object” 3 tries to get it into his target mailbox as a result of a combination of drunkenness (25%), giggles (15%) and girth of ‘object’(60%).”

Let’s just hope gloves were worn while the “toy” was being transported.

Well kids, that’s all I got this week. I’m going to go strip all my clothes off and try to crawl in my refrigerator. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or some plain ol’ Gary McElroy lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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