By Rob Holbert Managing Editor

You know, there are few things nicer than a city park. It’s so calming to see a green space and trees in the middle of the concrete jungle, to sit and feed the bums and watch the squirrels mate. Who doesn’t love that?

That’s why I completely understand Mobile Mayor Sam Jones’ fixation on turning the old courthouse site into LoDa’s newest park. He and County Commissioner Juan “Charitable Contribution” Chastang are currently engaged in a tug-of-war over the site. Jones wants the 2.7 acres for a Mardi Gras-themed park. In the past, he’s spoken of having elaborate fountains and other exciting tourist-dazzling bells and whistles for the park.

Chastang, on the other hand, wants to build a 21-story condominium project with a huge fountain pool, retail and, possibly, a hot dog vendor on site. But Jones is determined to have his park – so determined, he offered a land swap with Chastang’s developer last week in order to have the condos moved over to the Civic Center area so the city can develop its park on the courthouse space.

Now I’m not going to debate the wisdom of building another giant condominium project downtown when there are so many already on the drawing board. And I certainly can’t debate Jones’ contention that we need a new auditorium. Ours looks like a junker spaceship flown in by rednecks from another planet and left up on blocks near the interstate.

But none of that is really my concern here. I wouldn’t mind seeing the 21-story condos or the fancy new auditorium built. And I certainly wouldn’t mind the city having another park downtown – as long as our city leaders show they can actually take care of another park.

Yes, there are several city parks that are in fine shape with fancy plastic contraptions that look like huge intestinal tracts for the children to climb through. Most of these parks lie in WeMo and have active users who raise money for new equipment and upkeep. If all our parks looked like these, I’d be jumping up and down to have another one. But let’s be honest, many of our downtown or near downtown parks struggle and could use serious capital improvement.

I just don’t know how this administration can say we need another park when you can travel to any one of four or five parks within a few miles of Government Plaza and see neglect.

Bienville Square and Cathedral Square, both along the main entertainment drag, are usually in pretty good shape. The fountains generally work – although Cathedral Square’s was down most of last summer – and they tend to be fairly clean. Sure, they attract the employment-challenged, but overall they’re pretty good. But they are the exception.

Cooper Riverside Park is generally a wasteland and a dangerous hangout for the homeless. Lately it’s been locked on the weekends for repair to the railings that keep people from falling in the river. Its remote location down on the river has left it pretty much an afterthought. If the Department of Transportation puts the footing for the coming I-10 bridge in Cooper Park, I doubt many people would miss it.

The gorgeous Spanish Plaza should be a showplace for the city, but it is frequently covered with trash and vagrants. From time to time, its majestic fountain has a poor, pitiful weak stream that for some reason always makes me feel maybe it has a swollen prostate or some other urinary disorder. Nobody wants to think about that while sitting in a park.

In my trendy Oakleigh neighborhood, where road construction is now a way of life, the park situation is an embarrassment. Historic Washington Square might have the city’s worst looking “fountain.” It appears as if vandals swiped the actual fountain and left just a bunch of exposed pipes. The pipes do shoot water out of them, but I’ve lived here for nine years and no official has made a sound about actually attaching something attractive to those squirting pipes.

In fact, I know some neighborhood residents have tired of waiting and are ponying up the dough to do it themselves. (A suggestion for Oakleigh residents. Just tell Juan Chastang the fountains are for charity and he’ll probably throw 50 grand at you out of county money. He’s crazy that way.)

On the other side of Oakleigh is Crawford Park, where I frequently take my youngsters to play. The baseball field looks like something you’d see in a documentary about a pro pitcher who grew up playing in the Third World. There’s also a little building in the park that looks like the Unabomber’s hideout. (Anybody remember the Unabomber? What a jerk!)

I’m sure there are other examples I’ve missed. I hear Trimmier Park down the DIP is pretty skanky too, but I didn’t want to drive the Moon Buggy all the way down there to see a skanky park.

Now I’m not blaming city workers for the condition of these parks. They do the best to keep them up that the budgets will allow, but most of our parks need some serious capital improvement. That’s going to require the city council and mayor finding the money for those improvements. Maybe it’s easier to find money for a new park than to fix the existing ones. It would certainly be more fun.

I’m sure Sam would improve parks in a second if the money was there to do so. He just seems like the kind of guy who likes a clean park with a geyser of a fountain creating a pocket of tranquility in the otherwise hectic city environment. I bet he likes to go there and whittle.

But Sam saying he wants another park right now is kind of like someone saying he wants another child when the ones he already has are wearing Underoo pants to school, have rotten teeth and chocolate pudding smeared on their faces.

We need to improve our existing parks before we get another one.

Rob Holbert is Lagniappe managing editor. Contact him at rholbert@lagniappemobile.com.

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