Mobile Magnified

Well, well, well. Last issue, I almost didn’t have enough space to fit all of the scandaliciousness, and now this issue I’m clamoring for misbehavior. Have no fear though,with the help of the Courthouse and Fruit Loop spies, I was able to come up with some grits of gossip (of course, they’re cheese grits), but I’m not putting them in a martini glass. I refuse.

Rudy Tooty Fresh and Fruity

During Rudy Giuliani’s visit to Mobile last week at Jerry & Terry Lathan’s home in Theodore, they served grits in martini glasses. Our spy isn’t sure if the former mayor ate any grits, but he did enjoy some Maxwell House coffee and Tropicana OJ. Should have been fresh-squeezed for $1,000 a couple, don’ t you think?

Don’t touch my “Manhole covers”

Councilman Fred Richardson complained at the April 17 Mobile City Council meeting that a State of Alabama road crew was tearing up the freshly resurfaced Springhill Avenue in his district, apparently in an attempt to get to the manhole covers that had been inadvertently paved over. Fred said, you will hear me “wailing and moaning,” if they start messing with his street and manhole covers again. Guys, please don’t violate the councilman’s manhole covers again.

The CS weighs in

The Courthouse Spy (CS) provided two entertaining tales he witnessed this week. The first was while attending a criminal docket in circuit court.

CS wrote, “for a little background, defendants that cannot afford an attorney have one appointed to their case. Recently, an older (maybe 55) but new attorney (a 2006 graduate) received an appointment to a Vietnamese defendant charged with a felony. After pleading ‘not guilty,’ the judge asked the lawyer and defendant how long he had been in jail. Being a (typical) omniscient lawyer and interpreter, she asked very slowly and loudly, “HOW LONG YOU JAIL?”

The CS said “apparently if you speak English slowly and loudly enough,” you really don’t have to bother learning any foreign languages. Apparently it’s also necessary to speak loudly in broken English. Boozie now questions why she spent four years studying Spanish now. “WAS IT BIG WASTE TIME FOR BOOZIE?” I guess so.

Watch that myspace, kids

Boozie’s ears perked up when she heard recently about a relatively new member of the local television media who is no longer has that distinction after his myspace page landed him in hot water with the bosses.

Seems the young reporter wasn’t doing the world’s greatest job anyway, according to one colleague, when his employers happened upon his myspace page. Apparently he had left it public so anyone could check it out, and what they found was too much.

Under the “activities” section on his page, the intrepid journo wrote “sex club.” Right under that, he revealed his occupation and his station’s call letters. Doesn’t everyone know the first rule of Sex Club is you don’t talk about Sex Club?

Another local reporter told Boozie this free-wheeling sex clubber was also rumored to have tried to use his “star” status to get a good deal at a car dealership. It didn’t work.

Gotta be careful who’s reading your Web pages, kiddies.

Judge Banks’ “American Idol?”

The CS also provided some scoop on the woman who has been protesting in front of Government Plaza against Judge Banks over the past couple of weeks. The woman, who is supposedly owed $35K in back child support, contends the judge won’t make the deadbeat dad pay up.

“The protester was loud and pissed off. She spoke to anyone who would listen. However, I believe she truly craved another kind of spotlight,” according to the CS.

“I was in my car and she was in hers and we rode side by side from I-10 to Water Street last Thursday. She sang and danced wildly in her car. It looked like a Michael Jackson video.” What kind of Michael Jackson video? Frightening!

The CS wondered if she was singing “Crazy” By Gnarls Barkley, but regardless of what she was singing, “everyone is entitled to child support.” Now that sounds like a country song. Or maybe a rap.

When lesbians attack

So one of our Fruit Loop spies said word on Conti Street is that there was some sort of scrap between one local lesbian watering-hole owner and her male bartender.

Apparently the guy was upset with her about something (the spy didn’t know) and he confronted her while she was standing behind her bar. The owner was calm and tried to keep the situation from escalating. But then supposedly the guy slapped the owner across the face. The spy said the owner did not come around the bar, “she jumped OVER the bar and beat his ass.” No word on of the conflict was ever resolved.

When Drag Queens Attack

My Gabriel’s spy reported that late last Wednesday night at the corner of Conti and Joachim a drag queen was trying to hail a cab when a street person grabbed his/her ass or messed with her in some way. Apparently the queen felt threatened and roughed up the homeless person allegedly to the point where the street person’s eye was pulled out of the socket. Yikes! Testosterone and fake fingernails – a lethal combination!

Check out my space

OK. So I’ll be the first to admit Boozie is not the most technologically savvy person in the world, so I’m a little behind the times on this, but I have finally created a myspace page and I need you to be my “friend.” Please. Pretty please. It will be the perfect place for all you potential spies to go and give me some scoop. And there will also be blogs and bulletins and other things to hold you gossip fiends over from issue to issue.

Plus, we’ll post pictures from time to time of goofy Boozie-like stuff and all that jazz, so all you myspacers, make sure to visit www.myspace.com/booziebeernues and check out the old Boozester’s page.

Well kids. I’ll be on the road this weekend at Mullet Toss and Widespread Panic, so be sure to be on your worst behavior, and I know you will be, as will I. And just remember whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ manhole cover lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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