By Rob Holbert Managing Editor

I can’t wait to read the book Yvonne Kennedy is going to write about the history of Bishop State Community College. I’m sure it will be a real page-turner, especially given Kennedy’s well-known reputation for openness and honesty.

Fortunately, we history buffs may not have to wait too long, since Dr. Kennedy finally agreed to retire July 31 to work on her tome. Yvonne had initially wanted to stay on longer since she hadn’t finished completely running Bishop State into the ground and still had a few things left on her “To Do” list. But new two-year chancellor Bradley Byrne was able to entice her into heading out to pasture by offering Kennedy “president emeritus” status, an office and some secretarial help on her book.

The whole thing would be rather laughable, if it weren’t so ridiculous. Lining up the facts, it’s pretty obvious Kennedy’s done a horrible job with “her” school for some time now. The arrests of 27 of her employees who are charged with ripping off more than $200,000 from the school would probably be enough to get just about anyone canned. Add to that the fact that Bishop State has been put on probation by SACS and might lose accreditation, or that its enrollment is plummeting, you get the definite feeling she should have had the gold watch stuffed in her hand and been kicked out the door quite some time ago.

But if all that weren’t enough, Kennedy even tried to slide perennial local bad boy Drivin’ David Thomas a massive pay raise this year after he has brought nothing but ridicule the school for the past two years. Fortunately that move backfired mightily and seems to have been the impetus for getting Thomas fired. (Should have just kept your head down Dave. Then again, that’s not your style.)

All of this obvious and well-documented mismanagement should easily have been enough to get Kennedy a pink slip. Hell, if you were managing a Taco Bell and $20,000 came up missing, and several of your employees got arrested, and you were failing health inspections at the same time, you can bet Mr. Bell would drop the hammer. You wouldn’t be getting a swank office near the condiment stand and a “Taco Artist” emeritus title to boot. But I suppose that’s the difference between the public and private sectors.

In this situation, they practically had to beg Kennedy to accept retirement. It’s really rather repulsive when you think about it. At the minimum, she’s bungled just about everything at the school for the past few years, and they have to agree to her terms just to get her to ACCEPT retirement. No wonder the two-year system in this state is so screwed up. One can only guess what Kennedy would have had to do to get fired. Shooting at motorists on MLK Boulevard from the Bishop Clock Tower comes to mind, but that might have only gotten her secretarial help taken away.

Frankly when Byrne took over as chancellor, I thought firing Kennedy would be his first order of business. I knew he’d take some time looking thoughtful, doing his own investigation and making sure everything is as it seems. But at the end of the day, I thought Yvonne would get the boot, not some watered down “retirement” with an office and secretary. Not to be too hard on Byrne, but it’s a bit disappointing. At least he dealt with her, which is better than his jellyfish-like predecessors, but she did kind of get a Brer Rabbit treatment of being thrown into the briar patch where she’s safe and comfortable.

Maybe there was just too much potential political pressure in firing her. After all, Yvonne is still a state representative and she probably has lots and lots of friends on the Democratic side of the aisle who might resent her being kicked to the curb. Byrne just came from Goat Hill, so he knows the score. Perhaps there would have been too much hell to pay in dismissing her. Maybe he just did what he had to do. It still kind of stinks.

Now we’re left waiting for what will surely be one of the most incredible wastes of ink and paper in modern history, if Yvonne does, in fact, write a book. With secretarial help. In her publicly paid for office.

Who knows, maybe Kennedy will write a truthful and accurate history of the school and market it as a warning to other administrators on what not to do while running an institution of higher education. I kind of doubt it though. One can only imagine the tortured language Kennedy will have to use in the later chapters of the book to turn all of the arrests and academic problems into positives for the school. Maybe her secretary can write those chapters.

I do look forward to reading the chapter on the history of Bishop State’s athletic achievements. It will be wonderful to read about the exploits of Perlie Mae French, the 77-year-old grandmother and amputee who got credit for playing varsity basketball, baseball and softball. She was a modern Jim Thorpe, at least until she died last spring. That should be a shinning moment in Kennedy’s book.

One of the things experts say about writing a book is that having a working title can help. Yvonne should consider, “The Kennedy Years: A Guide to Mismanagement and Demagoguery.” Or perhaps, “Investigations and Amputations, the Bishop State Story.” Or maybe, ” An Inconvenient Truth: How Global Warming Caused $200,000 in Bishop State Funds to Evaporate.” (That last one might be a bit too scientific.)

Whichever way she goes with the book, I urge Dr. Kennedy to get cracking on it. I’d hate to think paying for her office and secretarial help would be a waste of the school’s money.

Rob Holbert is Lagniappe managing editor. Contact him at rholbert@lagniappemobile.com.

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