Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. The heat has officially gotten unbearable, and the bad behavior has officially gotten unbridled. But don’t you folks worry, I have endured these thousand degree temperatures to get you the juice you so desperately crave and have kindly put it over ice.

So got sit under your window unit or on your wharf and sip the delicious nectar of your gossip goddess, Boozie Beer Nues — Miss Nues, if you’re nasty.

Nappie Time
The 2010 Nappie Awards were held at the fabulous Courtyard Manor on Dauphin Street Wednesday, July 14, and as usual, a collection of the area’s movers, shakers and troublemakers converged on downtown Mobile to not only celebrate this year’s oh-so-prestigious award winners, but also mark Lagniappe’s eighth anniversary.

Our own music editor, Stephen Centanni, provided the tunes out on the courtyard, with his blues band, Johnny No, and folks were quite impressed. Best solo musician Hank Becker made an appearance as did the guys from El Cantador and PEEK, who captured the top two spots in the Best Local Band category.

A familiar face from LoDa’s past, Hayley Maulsby, returned to the Port City to accept her eponymously named bar’s bevy of awards, along with the whole cheerful Hayley’s crew. We hear this award-winning bar saw a lot of action later in the evening, including another Nappie winner “napping” on the sidewalk outside.

Other bar folks included owners John Thompson and David Rasp of Callaghan’s and Heroes fame, respectively. Coffee bean peddler John Serda mingled along with the beauties from Private Gallery and Old Dutch Ice Cream Shoppe.

WKRG’s Alan Sealls and Jessica Taloney came to pick up their Nappies for Best Meteorologist and Investigative Reporter. WKSJ’s Dan Brennan (Best DJ), FM TALK’s (Best Talk Radio Finalist) Sean Sullivan, And WZEW’s (Best Radio Station) Tim Camp, Leann Waterrs, Gene Murrell and Emily Hayes all represented the local airwaves in fine fashion.

“Governor of Goat Hill” author Eddie Curran chatted up folks, as did local acclaimed songwriter Milton Brown and his wife, Margaret. Accompanying them was Ms. Melanie Buffett, winner for Best Yoga Studio (Yoga Birds) and niece of the winner of “Best Mobilian Ever” award, Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy didn’t make the party, but he was made aware that he and local great dane, “Reuben the Dog,” who won “Best Mobilian Right Now” were winners. Jimmy said it was only fitting that a “Son of the Beach” and a “Son of a Bitch” had captured these two honors.

Best Boob Doc, Chris Park, and Best Hoo-Ha Doc, Max Rogers, represented the coveted medical Nappie winners, and we are pretty sure “Best Drag Queen” winner Miss Venus was not in need of either of their services, well maybe Dr. Park’s, but definitely not Dr. Max’s.

Speaking of Miss Venus, she put on quite the late night show, and invited (or kidnapped) Best Criminal Defense Attorney Jeff Deen and his son, as well as Lagniappe’s own Rob Holbert, Pete Teske and Tripp Taylor, and John Serda to all be part of her performance. It was quite the spectacle. But the Boozester has never seen so much simultaneous laughter and horror at the Nappies Excellent job, Miss Venus, you earned your Nappie, girl!

Oh and yes, there was a man walking around with a cat mask on. Apparently, he was one of the brains behind modmobilian.com and posted a video of his kitty-party crashing skills on their site the next day. Meeowwww!

Well, I guess that’s it for the eighth annual affair. Whew. And I don’t even think I scratched the surface. Also, did want to give a shout out to Chef Rob (Best Caterer) and Zimlich Brothers Florist (Best Florist) who provided the delicious food and botanicals for the event.

Not-so-Secret Servicing
So apparently, when Vice-President Joe Biden flew into town last week, the Secret Service did a sweep of the area and they spotted a suspicious looking parked car, somewhere in proximity to the airport. Word on the street is they surrounded the car and pulled out the driver, who was receiving his own “secret servicing” so to speak, from his 18-year-old- passenger. No word on if VP Joe Biden though this was a big f-ing deal or not. Clinton just thought the guy needed a cigar.

Top Models, Big Hooves
Last week, WFNA had several casting calls for “America’s Next Top Model.” Sources say there were some stunning girls and some crazy ones, but the strangest tale I keep hearing from the auditions is that many of these ladies wore stripper-like shoes to the auditions and their big ol’ feet were curling over the ends of their shoes? Do they not make acrylic shoes in model sizes?

Jeff Sessions
In local politico news, we can confirm Sen. Jeff Sessions not only flies MO but also first class. Our spy, who was also flying MO back to DC, said Jeff was wearing “a white dress shirt, no tie, had a bag of Sun Chips, a can of Canada Dry Tonic Water, and a mini airline bottle of Tanqueray. He also read like five different newspapers.”

Nothing like a little T-n-T to take the edge off!

Bravery and Beauty in Oakleigh
The Beauty and Bravery Mint Julep Party” was held on Thursday, July 15th, from 6 until 9 at Oakleigh. Though the Boozester was too hung-over from the Nappies to attend, she did hear one of the highlights of the evening was when one of the belles, Ms. Amy, rode the bike she bid on and won (one of those green Regions bikes) in her black and white summer dress. She “took off” down Oakleigh Avenue to Cortlandt’s to the delight of the crowd.

LA in LoDa
Last week Hollywood actor Paul Giamatti was spotted in Bienville Books in downtown Mobile. The “Sideways” star said he was just checking out the Gulf Coast and wanted to pop in a local bookstore. Local artist Brad Robertson is rumored to have had a picture taken with him.

Stork Report
Local FOX 10 folks, morning anchor Sarah Wall and hubby sports anchor Rob Lehocky, welcomed a son, Jake Robert Lehocky, 7 pounds 2 ounces. Congrats to the happy parents. We hear everyone is doing great.

Well kids, that’s all I got. I’m going to go drink a mint julep and fan myself. And then maybe just dream of fall and football season. So just remember whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or some plain ol’ parked car lovin’, I will be there! Ciao!