Virgo (8/23-9/22) — Depressed you couldn’t take part in last weekend’s Juggalo March in Washington, D.C., you’ll make plans to boost your spirits at Anthrocon 2018. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in the Bankhead Tunnel.

Libra (9/23-10/22) — The voodoo magic you’ve employed to steer tropical weather clear of coastal Alabama will return to haunt you in October, when your favorite potted plant refuses to absorb water and dies of thirst. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in the Big Creek Lake dam.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) — Instead of casting a vote for the lesser of two evils in the U.S. Senate Republican primary runoff Tuesday, you’ll pray for peace and hand out coloring books to drivers stuck in I-10’s traffic. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse at a fishing camp in the delta.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) ­­— You’ll throw your hat in the ring to become Alabama’s next State Superintendent of schools. Disappointingly, you’ll discover it’s yet another thing you can’t do with an art degree. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse at Lambert’s Café.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) — You’ll go overboard at Lickin’ Good Donuts and be hospitalized with the world’s first case of bacon maple coma. You’ll come around with the help of smelling salts and a box of kolache. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in the basement of Fort Conde.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) — After watching “It,” you’ll start your own Loser’s Club to defeat the monster haunting Mobile. Eventually, you’ll determine it’s actually just a giant tangle of discarded hair weaves. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse on a liveaboard at Pirate’s Cove.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) — You’ll find a masterpiece at Daphne’s Jubilee Festival of Art. Rejected by the Louvre, “Whole flounder dipped in pastel latex paint and pressed on canvas” will look majestic in your mudroom. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in an Apple Store.

Aries (3/21- 4/19) — You’ll be disqualified from Spanish Fort’s Fire Prevention 5K Saturday after the cigarette break you take in the third kilometer ignites a wildfire on the causeway. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in the Crescent Theater.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) — As an alternative to the canceled Riverside Ice, you’ll suggest the city rent out a cold room in Americold Logistics’ refrigeration facility at Brookley Aeroplex, where people can simply chill. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse over a few drinks at Papa Buddha’s.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) — In an interesting coincidence, you’ll note both the Band of Horses and the Wild Ponies are performing in Mobile next week. Tuning into 93 BLX on the way home, you’ll be delighted to hear Gucci Mane. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in a sycamore tree.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) — You’ll set a personal couponing record when you combine a flash sale with a coupon with an employee discount, and actually get paid $6 to purchase a brand-name skin serum. You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse at the Eastern Shore Centre.

Leo (7/23-8/22) — You’ll create an independent school system in Baldwin County where the core curriculum consists of Tupac’s book, “The Rose That Grew From Concrete,” and Nas’ 1994 album “Illmatic.” You’ll ride out the North Korean apocalypse in a van down by the river.