Dr. Zodiac

Jul 15 2008 – Taurus: In-laws and TP crisis CANCER (June 22 – July 22) – While you were away at clown college, the rest of the world was making a sincere effort to rid the earth of your future fans.

Jul 01 2008 – CANCER (June 22 – July 22) – After moving into your new home in Midtown you will decide to model your life identically after the people next door.

Jun 17 2008 – GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – Your desires to chauffer Kenny "The Snake" Stabler around and be his buddy may have found some life in the wake of the former QB’s latest DUI arrest.

Jun 03 2008 – GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – You will learn more than you ever cared to about a sexual move called "The Rusty Trombone" in coming days.

May 19 2008 – GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – Your recent tryst with ex-President Jimmy Carter while he was in town recently will soon bear fruit.

May 06 2008 – TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – Mother’s Day is fast approaching, which means it’s another chance to bitterly disappoint the woman who gave birth to you.

Apr 22 2008 – TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – So you’ve got a raging hangover from a weeknight of drunkenness.

Apr 08 2008 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19)- You’re spending so much time being furious about Boeing protesting the big tanker deal, that you’re forgetting to spend some time getting some lovin’.

Mar 25 2008 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19)- The new HBO series "John Adams" has you in a Colonial mood.

Mar 11 2008 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – Somebody out there is trying to break your heart, and they’re doing it very cleverly, getting you hooked on a cocktail of sex, good food, alcohol and interesting movies.

Feb 25 2008 – PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – Sugarcakes, the lingering girlfriend you picked up on Fat Tuesday, will embarrass you at a family gathering with her "Ride me like a float" t-shirt.

Feb 12 2008 – AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb.18) – "If you can’t remember it, it didn’t happen" is your theme.

Jan 28 2008 – AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb.18) – You will get invited to the wedding of two of your favorite people.

Jan 15 2008 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – You figure that the writer’s strike is probably never going to end, and you see it as a career opportunity to become the next reality superstar.

Jan 01 2008 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – Your recent birthday is making you feel old.

Dec 18 2007 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – You have let your drunk dialing and texting get really out of hand.

Dec 04 2007 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – Your boss will set you up with one of his relatives.

Nov 20 2007 – SCORPIO (Oct. 24 -Nov. 21) – You will get in a horribly embarrassing drunken fight with a friend that will turn all of your friends against you.

Nov 06 2007 – SCORPIO (Oct. 24 -Nov. 21) – Here’s the deal: the person you like likes you, but just like you, is afraid to say "I like you," so you both go on liking one another without, like, saying anything about it.

Oct 23 2007 – LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23) – Your barhopping will finally be legitimized this weekend when you go from bar to bar attempting to win big money in Halloween costume contests.

Oct 09 2007 – LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23) – You will get picked up at the bar by members of the same sex.

Sep 25 2007 – LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23) – I know you’re disappointed by the Saints’ season thus far, but, well, face it, the Saints being terrible is a sign that New Orleans is getting back to normal.

Sep 11 2007 – VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) -Somehow you have gotten the reputation as everyone’s surrogate crazy aunt or uncle.

Aug 28 2007 – VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) – With Labor Day upon us, this is your chance to show off what you’ve been working on all summer – your hot dog eating skills.

Aug 14 2007 – LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)- All of this heat is really inspiring the inventor in you.

Jul 31 2007 – *LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) * – Stop following that band around.

Jul 17 2007 – *CANCER (June 22 – July 22) * – A game of Risk will take a tragic turn this week when your opponent, Morgan Freeman, announces that he is, in fact, God, and you just demolished all of South America with an army of neon plastic cannons.

Jul 03 2007 – CANCER (June 22 – July 22) – "Belkin54g" will finally realize you’ve been stealing her wireless Internet when she catches you sitting in her front yard watching YouTube on your laptop.

Jun 19 2007 – CANCER (June 22 – July 22) – Your car is going into the shop, leaving you with only one option: your brother’s pickup.

Jun 05 2007 – GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – That whore who dumped you last winter saw you dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow for the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End premiere.

May 22 2007 – GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – As Bon Jovi said in their classic hair metal song "Dead or Alive," "It’s all the same.

May 08 2007 – TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – Feeling sorry for ousted Mobile County Commissioner Juan Chastang will land you in hot water when you take him in as a roommate.

Apr 25 2007 – TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – Your recent affair with Pulitzer Prize-winning political columnist George Will could soon become public knowledge.

Apr 10 2007 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – The stars are aligned for you to create your masterpiece.

Mar 28 2007 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – Another sexual harassment suit makes you decide to wear pants around the office again.

Mar 13 2007 – PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – You are obsessed with the Checker’s hamburgers commercial featuring the puppet known as "Rap Cat." In the coming days, you’ll not only repeatedly visit the Rap Cat Web page at www.rap-cat.com, but you’ll begin dressing like him and learn to sing along with his songs.

Feb 27 2007 – PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – The Press-Register’s new "niche" publications have you hooked!

Feb 13 2007 – AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) – Bad news, it seems Fred “Hollywood- Barkley needs a new place to live and he’s picked your pad.

Jan 30 2007 – AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) – This Mardi Gras promises something special – a throw you’ve never caught before!

Jan 16 2007 – CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) – OK, we’re only a few weeks in and you’ve already broken all of your New Year’s resolutions.

Jan 02 2007 – CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) – You’re still trying to live down the Christmas gift you gave your spouse.

Dec 19 2006 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) – Well, you won’t be getting a lump of coal in your stocking this Christmas, but you will get a lump on your head as the bouncer at a local club has to toss you to the gutter on Christmas Eve because you won’t go home.

Dec 05 2006 – Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21) – It is once again time for your office Christmas party, and it is important that you keep you inebriated antics to a minimum to keep your current job.

Nov 21 2006 – Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21) – Your imaginary friend is back in action, and there’s no stopping him this time.

Nov 08 2006 – SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 21) – Inspired by news reports of genetically modified animals, you experiment with your pot-bellied pig and basset hound.

Oct 25 2006 – Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) – Every Halloween you plan a prank on unsuspecting teenagers who watch too many horror movies, and this year is no exception.

Oct 10 2006 – LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23) – Your daily life starts to remind you of Dilbert comics.

Sep 27 2006 – Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) – Your coffee addiction has reached a new high.

Sep 13 2006 – Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – You get caught up in the Katie Couric hype and can’t stop watching CBS’s new anchor.

Aug 29 2006 – Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – You are once again fascinated by the JonBenet Ramsey murder case.

Aug 16 2006 – Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Beer Fest is coming up soon and that means people will be talking about what you did last year.

Aug 01 2006 – LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)- Your efforts to enter a fish you bought at a local seafood market in the Alabama Deep Sea Fishing Rodeo were successful, but you’re still nagged by the idea you may eventually be found out.

Jul 19 2006 – Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Someone you admire has recently gotten out of jail – actually he’s gotten out of jail twice – and you’re looking to do something nice for him.

Jul 05 2006 – CANCER (June 22 – July 22) – You feel completely justified in your usage of personal stimulants after learning conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh was busted with a stash of Viagra prescribed to someone else.

Jun 21 2006 – Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Looking for something new in your life?

Jun 06 2006 – By Dr. Zodiac Astrology guy Gemini (May 21-June 21) – If you were thinking about stepping on that plane, don’t.

May 23 2006 – GEMINI (May 21 – June 21) – Funny looking. That’s how you’ll describe the person you’ll be hooking up with next weekend.

May 09 2006 – TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – You’re going to learn the hard way that teenage girls, whiskey, whipped cream, fast cars and the police don’t mix.

Apr 26 2006 – TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) – You’re still finding Easter eggs hidden around your house after you got hammered and decided to play Peter Cottontail.

Apr 11 2006 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – The ridiculously high price of gas is forcing you into desperate measures.

Mar 29 2006 – ARIES (March 21 – April 19) – Your fears of Mad Cow Disease have gotten out of hand since a heifer here in ‘Bama was found to have the dreaded illness.

Mar 14 2006 – PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – The luck of the Irish is upon you!

Mar 01 2006 – PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) – Lent couldn’t come fast enough for you.

Feb 14 2006 – AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) – The town is abuzz with rumors that the reason you didn’t show up for the Garage’s Super Bowl party is that you wanted a 10-drink guarantee and they wouldn’t pony up.

Jan 31 2006 – By Dr. Zodiac Astrology guy AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20 – Feb.

Jan 18 2006 – CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Nothing says "psycho" like constantly showing up anywhere the object of your affection might happen to be.

Jan 04 2006 – CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) The recent FBI announcement that they’re really cracking down on child pornography has you a bit worried.

Dec 21 2005 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) You’re ready to put 2005 and all its humiliation, degradation and masturbation behind you.

Dec 07 2005 – SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Your innocence attracts others – primarily bar flies at downtown watering holes.