Hidden Agenda

Oct 07 2008 – Annexation and classic football funding has Sam nervous In the wee hours of the morning on the eve the annexation election, Mobile was startled out of a deep sleep by Mayor Sam Jones who was tossing and turning all over their mayor-sized bed on the 10th floor of Government Plaza….

Sep 23 2008 – *What the cluck is going on in Cypress Shores neighborhood?

Sep 10 2008 – Mobile’s one-stop future Curious how big Mobile would be after allof the latest annexation attempts, I decided to take a little vacay to the future, so I jumped in the state-of-the-art Lagniappe time machine.

Aug 26 2008 – Council’s little drinking problem Let me just say I have a liquor-column writing hangover.

Aug 12 2008 – Paying a visit to Ichitown After Mayor Jones and Councilmen Johnson, Carroll and Richardson’s recent trip to one of our sister cities, Ichihara, Japan, Mobile decided to call her up to make sure they behaved.

Jul 29 2008 – ‘Planning’ for the future? Shoot. I am going to come off sounding negative in this, and I don’t want to.

Jul 15 2008 – ARB deals with ‘spindlegate’ If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it was the basic argument current members of the city’s Architectural Review Board made to the council Tuesday, July 1, after Councilman William Carroll attempted to restructure the appointment process, so that each of the city’s historical districts would have a board representative.

Jul 01 2008 – Mobile, along with her scrappy country cousins, Irvington and Bayou la Batre, headed up to the dreary land of strong, bitter coffee, Subaru Foresters and sore losers, also known as Seattle, to have a "discussion" with her about the GAO’s recent report that the Air Force made "significant errors" in the bid process, which leaves us with the horrendous possibility of Boeing stealing our tanker contract away.

Jun 17 2008 – There seem to be a lot of people who have a problem with alcohol in Mobile, and I’m not talking about those who are (or should be) attending meetings.

Jun 03 2008 – Just when I thought I had seen it all at Mobile City Council, a "concerned citizen" brought in 19 new scenes for me, mostly of dudes peeing.

May 19 2008 – "Hey Jonesie, can I talk to you a minute," a burned-out sounding garbage gnome said to the mayor as his honor threw a bag of Ruth’s Chris leftovers into the garbage cart behind his house.

May 06 2008 – After a long hiatus, one of our favorite "concerned citizens" and council regulars Mrs.

Apr 22 2008 – Last week at the Mobile City Council meeting, Councilman Clinton Johnson sought to have about $900,000 transferred to a drainage project and bridge repair in his district.

Apr 08 2008 – Poop may be most people’s least-favorite topic, but Mobile’s City Council is interested in tackling the smelly problem of pet excrement.

Mar 25 2008 – Mayor Sam Jones and his girl, Mobile, were all curled up together on a lazy Sunday morning.

Mar 11 2008 – It takes a village…and a flag I knew The Villagers of Spring Hill were back when I saw a bevy of classy ladies dressed in turtlenecks and multi-colored blazers filling the seats of the GP auditorium at the March 4 city council meeting.

Feb 25 2008 – The big "nontroversy" in the presidential campaign last week (besides McCain’s alleged little lobbying lady love story) was Hillary Clinton’s assertion that Barack Obama plagiarized a speech from Massachusetts governor, Deval Patrick.

Feb 12 2008 – The following is a telephone conversation between girlfriends Mobile and New Orleans, who have been dear friends for over 300 years.

Jan 28 2008 – I woke up in the middle of the night last night to find a man with an elaborate feather headdress on standing over my bed.

Jan 15 2008 – On Wednesday, Jan. 30, most Mobilians will head to the polls to vote in the presidential primary.

Jan 01 2008 – After watching "Ghost," "A Christmas Carol" and "It’s a Wonderful Life," over the holidays, Whoopi Goldberg, the Ghost of Christmas Future, and an angel named Clarence came to me in a dream to give me a glimpse of what’s in store for Mobile in 2008.

Dec 18 2007 – The following is the transcript from Fred Richardson’s First Falling New Year’s Eve Moonpie Committee Meeting, which consists of the mayor, area leaders and elected officials.

Dec 04 2007 – Knock, knock. "Housekeeping," I yell. Oh no you didn’t.

Nov 20 2007 – Using my unequaled burglary skills, I recently broke into Government Plaza and managed to steal a peek at the city council’s list of things they are thankful for this year.

Nov 06 2007 – Well, I was close. Reggie said I was "right on target." Last issue, I predicted what would occur at the Tuesday, Oct.

Oct 23 2007 – I think I may be clairvoyant or a devil worshipper or "touched." I don’t know, but I can see the future.

Oct 09 2007 – The council approved the mayor’s $242 million budget Tuesday, Sept.

Sep 25 2007 – Well they didn’t get it all, but they certainly got the piece of the pie they wanted.

Sep 11 2007 – OK, WeMobilians. You really need to vote for annexation.

Aug 28 2007 – OK. This one guy (who goes by at least three, maybe four names – not really sure why) came to council last week to express his displeasure that Ludacris was going to play at BayFest again this year.

Aug 14 2007 – It was like watching a pack of dogs fighting over a tiny piece of leftover steak – starring the Mobile City Council as the dogs and $20,545 in leftover Community Development Block Grant monies as the steak.

Jul 31 2007 – OK. This is what everyone can seem to agree on about downtown parking.

Jul 17 2007 – It all started five years ago on the night another one of the historic derelict buildings burned to the ground in downtown Mobile.

Jul 03 2007 – The Ruth’s Chris leftovers in the mayor’s Frigidaire called his name in the middle of the night some time late last week.

Jun 19 2007 – Apparently there is a whole lot of "whacking off" going on in the city, according to one concerned citizen and serial council addresser, who I like to call Pandora.* Pandora claimed at the June 5 meeting that someone is "whacking off" her trees to make room for power lines.

Jun 05 2007 – Long, lazy days terminated by the sun melting into the sea….

May 22 2007 – Editor’s Note: The following is a night terror city council columnist Ashley Toland had after attending the May 15 council meeting, where Sons of Confederate Veterans Commander Ben George expressed his displeasure over a Battle Flag being removed from the plaster in the lobby of the Battle House Hotel during restoration. "Good mornin’, my Dixie bride," Confederate veterinarian Ben George said to me in a slow Southern drawl.

May 08 2007 – If it hadn’t been for the defecating prostitutes, I feel certain I would have fallen into a coma at the May 1 city council meeting.

Apr 25 2007 – On a beautiful Friday afternoon several weeks ago, I left the office in a particularly good mood.

Apr 10 2007 – The State of the City and County addresses by Mayor Sam Jones and County Commission President Juan Chastang can be summed up in five words (or two foods) – sesame seeds and mandarin oranges.

Mar 28 2007 – After months of sunshine and harmony, the Mobile City Council turned back to darkness and bickering Tuesday, March 20, thanks in part to a ridiculous request by District Six councilor, Sweet Connie Hudson.

Mar 13 2007 – I’m growing a handlebar mustache and changing my name to Gene Shalit.

Feb 27 2007 – A columnist from the Birmingham Weekly called me on Lundi Gras to ask if it really was such a big deal for Mobilians if we moved our presidential primary to Fat Tuesday next year.

Feb 13 2007 – The following is a phone conversation recorded between girlfriends, New Orleans and Mobile.

Jan 30 2007 – All’s been quiet the last couple of city council meetings, except some actual noise about hypothetical noise, puke and poo on LoDa.

Jan 02 2007 – The Mobile City Council has seemed so empty, so incomplete since District Four city councilman Ben Brooks left to take a place in the State Senate in November.

Dec 19 2006 – A very discouraged man sat at Martini’s bar on Christmas Eve night.

Dec 05 2006 – Editor’s Note: I awoke in a cold sweat the other night after having a terrible nightmare about what I guess was the Mobile City Council’s Christmas party.

Nov 21 2006 – Editor’s Note: Councilman Ben Brooks defeated Gary Tanner for the District 35 State Senate seat Nov.

Nov 08 2006 – All I ever really needed to know I didn’t learn in kindergarten, I learned from the Mobile City Council.

Oct 25 2006 – A friend of mine, who used to live here and hadn’t been downtown in a year, came in for BayFest a couple of weekends ago.

Sep 27 2006 – Usually I serve up columns loaded with saturated fat, high fructose corn syrup, cheese, preservatives and black dye #109.

Sep 13 2006 – I used to never read "Sound Off," because, well, it just made me sad.

Aug 29 2006 – I have a confession to make. I plagiarized a column.

Aug 16 2006 – As the skies darkened outside the ninth floor windows of Government Plaza last Wednesday during the interview process for municipal judgeships, and the candidates who currently hold the positions were flooded with questions about their roles in the David Thomas DUI expungement, it became obvious the lightning bolts spitting out of the August sky would most certainly strike and incinerate the careers of at least two of the court’s gavel-bangers – full-timers, Judges James Lackey and Wanda Rahman.

Aug 01 2006 – Last issue, marked the fourth anniversary of Lagniappe, which means I have been covering the antics of the Mobile City Council for four long, mostly boring, rarely entertaining years.

Jul 19 2006 – After a week of contentious name-calling, insult-slinging and "integrity impugning," between Councilmen Clinton "CJ" Johnson and Ben "Citizen" Brooks, I felt obliged to call in Oprah’s psychological guru/hack Dr.

Jul 05 2006 – Editor’s Note: The following is a conversation between old friends New Orleans and Mobile, who affectionately call each other Nola and Mobie.

Jun 21 2006 – Troubled Bridge Over Water A Rock Opera/ Dramatic Interpretation of the June 12 council meeting By Ashley Toland Performed by: The Mobile City Council and Lipscomb Landing Players Basic Synopsis: The drama among the councilors arose over a closed bridge in Ben Brooks’ district, connecting the Lipscomb Landing neighborhood (basically a peninsula cut off by train tracks and water) to Riviere du Chien Road.

Jun 06 2006 – June 7, 2006 Dear Honorable Members of the Mobile City Council: Attached is my resume for your review for the position of full time Mobile Municipal Court judge.

May 23 2006 – The renaming of Herndon Avenue to bear Michael Donald’s name brings thoughts of a very different Mobile.

May 09 2006 – Editor’s Note: There was a giant gerbil at city council last Tuesday.

Apr 26 2006 – To listen to some of the Mobile City Council members of late, one might conclude the city had abandoned WeMo like one of Jodi Brooks’ secret, safe newborns.

Apr 11 2006 – Would a West Mobile Senior Wellness and Therapeutic Center by any other name still smell as sweet? "Depends" on who you ask.

Mar 29 2006 – After being nearly starved to death (for excitement) for the past few months at city council, the mayor and council finally served up some tasty nastiness.

Mar 14 2006 – Just when you thought you’d seen the last crewe roll on Fat Tuesday, the Downtown Mobile District Management Corporation (which manages the 75-block Business Improvement District) introduced two new Mobile "crewes" at their fancy new downtown digs last Friday.

Mar 01 2006 – The "American Idol" judges pay a visit to the Azalea City to rate our mayor and council.

Feb 14 2006 – The following is a telephone conversation between two old French gals, New Orleans and Mobile, or "Nola" and "Mobie," as they affectionately call each other.

Jan 31 2006 – By Ashley Toland Editor On the morning of Jan. 24, 2006, at approximately 11:30 hours, seven subjects simultaneously robbed two convenience stores – the M & Q Food Mart (1861 Government St.) and the Shell Food Mart #122(10 N.

Jan 18 2006 – Editor’s Note: This is part two of a guide on how to be an effective local Mobile politician.

Jan 04 2006 – Council considers revoking licenses of two local convenience stores Due to an unusually exciting council meeting yesterday, Ashley decided to post this column today instead of "Mobileus Politicalus Loclaus: Part Deux." Check in the next issue or back here on Jan.

Jan 04 2006 – After studying the habits of the rare species known as the Mobileus Politicalus Localus (aka local Mobile politician) for quite some time, definitive characteristics have been observed, both in captivity (during open meetings) and while they are roaming about in the wild, free from the confines of the glass walls of Government Plaza.

Dec 21 2005 – I’m writing this with a slight concussion. Seriously.

Dec 07 2005 – So I called up this elf buddy of mine up last week to see if he could get his stubby little hands on Mayor Sam Jones’s wish list for Santa.