Scorpio (10/23-11/21) — You’ll be overwhelmed with a serious case of FOMO after failing to find the time and money to do everything you want this month. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock with a game of Twister.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) ­­— You wonder whether a typical breakfast of eggs, meat and toast, served separately, counts as “a three-course meal.” You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock by drawing straws.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) — Inspired by the Mobile Symphony’s annual “Beethoven & Blue Jeans,” you host a sparsely attended kazoo concert called “Bach & Britches.” You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock through a paintball war.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) — In honor of those who’ve served our country, you’ll spend Veterans Day flagpole sitting, protesting that Harvey Danger was never embraced by the mainstream. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock by arm wrestling.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) — In a conspiracy planted while reading horoscopes, you’ll claim Paul Janeway from St. Paul and the Broken Bones is actually Sean Nelson from Harvey Danger. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock by hosting a bake-off.

Aries (3/21-4/19) — You creep out cyclists at the annual Gears and Beers ride by standing along the route and leering and jeering. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock with a game of chicken.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) — Since the Daphne City Council has delayed another vote on an independent school study, you have at least two more weeks to barge into City Hall and yell “SHOW ME THE MONEY!” You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock with a literal tug-of-war.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) — To set the mood during cooler weather, you’ll play a looping fireplace video on YouTube and sprinkle your living room with liquid smoke. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock by seeing who can hold their breath the longest.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) — To start your seasonal vacation off right, be sure to peace out at work with a two-finger salute. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock with make-up sex.

Virgo (8/23-9/22) — You’ll take advantage of the Fairhope Film Festival crowd to screen your controversial documentary, “Feet, Gross or Nah?” You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock with a “Billy Madison” style debate.

Libra (9/23-10/22) — With odds increasing you’ll be murdered in one of the almost daily mass shootings on American soil, you’d be wise to go ahead and get your affairs in order. You attempt to resolve the Mobile City Council presidential deadlock with flintlock duelling pistols.