God bless Kim Kardashian West. After weeks of the world enduring tragedy after tragedy, Kim K finally served up some delicious tabloid garbage for us to devour and take our minds off far more serious and depressing matters for a moment.
For those of you who, like me, don’t really “keep up with the Kardashians,” let me catch you up. This delectable dish came in the form of a Snapchat video she leaked of her husband, Kanye West, having a phone conversation with Taylor Swift.
Apparently Kim was trying to prove her hubby had talked to Swift before his song “Famous” was released and that Swift was totally cool with a lyric he included about her. The lyric said something about him still thinking they (as in Taylor and Kanye) may have sex, a line she did say she was fine with, though she was already worried about her own “overexposure.” But when the song came out, in typical rap lingo it called her “that b*tch,” which, as Taylor would say, was “like” not discussed and was “like” not cool.
Sooooo, she was OK with the “we might have sex still” line and that he made her famous but the “b word” went too far. Well, hey everyone has to draw a line in the quicksand somewhere.
Of course, she went on to act hugely offended at the Grammys and made him look like an even bigger a-hole than he did when he infamously interrupted her when she bested Beyonce for a VMA.
Now she is saying her character has been “assassinated” and there are goofy memes circulating all around the internet and people are firmly planting their flags on the mountains of Team Swift or Team Kimye.
I don’t know why this little feud makes me so happy. Maybe because it is just so stupid. I bet there have been crisis and brand managers and attorneys and agents and all sorts of strategists and such brought in, because this nonsense is probably still consuming the insulated little fantasy worlds they all reside in. A world where the only real continents are Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and of course now Snapchat, floating in a sea of nameless, faceless likers, tweeters, favoriters and sharers.
Sounds pretty terrible, actually. But then again, they do get to sail away in giant yachts to the French Riviera when the going gets too tough in the Twittersphere, so we shouldn’t feel too sorry for them, and I’m sure you don’t.
We can just enjoy the over-the-top melodrama over something so ridiculous. And the good news is, we don’t have to look to Hollywood to find these feuds, we have a couple of high-profile ones playing out in our own backyard. I mean, sure, Selena Gomez and Katy Perry may not get involved, but we can still enjoy this feuding on the local level and even come up with fun nicknames and hashtags.
It’s either this or cry about everything else going on in the world, so I’m going with this.
Let us take a look, shall we?
Feud: Field Position: Where should all of our balls go?
Players: County Commissioners Jerry Carl aka J-Car and Connie Hudson aka C-Hud
History: Hudson and Carl have hated each other with a passion that rivals Kanye’s love for himself since they have had opposing views on where and what sort of soccer facilities the county should have.
This unbridled hatred for one another was really apparent during Carl’s last election when Hudson, who ran unopposed, actively campaigned against him and very vigorously supported his opponent Margie Wilcox, which is typically not done. Carl ultimately defeated Wilcox, so obviously things are as awkward as ever on the 10th floor of Government Plaza.
Things seemed to be on track for C-Hud’s plan for a $20 million, tournament-ready soccer complex ($40 million once all the other phases were completed), until all of a sudden her ally — and seemingly a member of her squad — Commissioner Merceria Ludgood aka The Notorious G.O.O.D. essentially killed her plan with a vote not to finance the land through a bond issue, even though she had voted for everything related to it up until that point. Yikes! In the words of T-Swift, “Cause baby, now we’ve got bad blood/You know it used to be mad love/So take a look what you’ve done!”
This week, J-Car presented a much more modest plan, which suggested adding or improving fields at existing parks. But in this plan the city would have to split the cost and maintain the fields on city-owned property.
C-Hud has already questioned J-Car’s numbers and since he threw shade on her with one of his comments — “I think in this whole process, we’ve gone so far into the commercial side of things, that we’ve forgotten about our own kids.” — it’s not likely he’ll be getting support from his nemesis.
In addition, another member of Hudson’s squad, City Councilwoman Bess Rich aka Rich Bessy, did not seem too fired up about his plan either, citing there were other needs her constituents wanted more than soccer, although she spoke out in favor of C-Hud’s complex. (First rule of squad-dom: You can never be against a member of your squad.)
What will happen: By the time anyone can agree on what to do about soccer, no one will want fields or complexes anymore, as everyone will have stopped playing it in favor of Pokemon Go. There will be a push for some sort of PG Coliseum, which may not be much of an economic engine, but it sounds like a perfect way to confine all these weirdos, so totally worth it, even if it requires a bond issue.
Hashtags: #badblood #jerryhatesconnie #conniehatesjerry #squadloyalty #merceriawiththrealpower #whatispokemongo?
Feud: Hate in 140 characters or less
Players: Mobile Mayor Sandy Stimpson’s chief of staff Colby Cooper aka CoCo and City Councilman Fredrick D. Richardson aka Freddie D
History: Chief of Staff Colby Cooper has ruffled the feathers of several councilors over the years with his social media posts, including a fight with Rich Bessy over Uber, but no one more so than Councilman Fred Richardson, who should also have his keyboard/iPhone taken away, as he does a good job of stirring the pot with his own posts on a variety of subjects, most recently with the police shooting that resulted in the death of Michael Moore.
But anyway, these social media cowboys have tangled over board appointments and then much more viciously over the fiasco that unfolded when the council tried to take away the mayor’s power to put items on the council agenda.
Though Councilman John Williams and Richardson both sponsored the measure, Freddie D ended up taking most of the heat for comments he made for wanting credit for the things the council had accomplished.
This caused CoCo to tweet an image of a credit card that read “Fredit Card” along with the slogan “All the credit you need!” and also #votethemout. This also started the #standwithsandy and “don’t muzzle Sandy Bear” movements, the latter a reference to the lovable (or creepy) mayoral mascot bear. This movement came along with a logo featuring the bear with a muzzle, which kind of looked like some sort of weird fetish thing.
You really can’t make this stuff up!
Fred fired back to all of this via Facebook, “I believed that brother crossed the line. He is on city payroll, using city time, on a Twitter account with a city logo, and condemned the governing body of the city.” Um, which begs the question of Freddie D, “Hello pot, have you met kettle?”
But their latest little social spat was over the council’s desire to have a council-appointed advisory committee for the MPD, in light of the recent shooting. MPD Chief James Barber and the administration immediately took the position they already had a committee and didn’t need another one. CoCo and Freddie D exchanged some terse emails with all of the local media copied. Ultimately, the administration agreed to the new committee with some changes but it is still pending council approval, so that war has ended for now.
What will happen: A Sandy Bear sex tape will be leaked and all else with be forgotten.
Hashtags: #freddiewiththebadposts #standwithsandybear #cococrazy #potmeetkettle #sandybearisafreak #whereismypopcorn?