Taurus (4/20-5/20) — In an attempt to thwart the Royal Wedding, you’ll tell Meghan Markle that Prince Harry has never made it through an entire episode of “Suits.” Your plan will backfire when you realize nobody has.
Gemini (5/21-6/21) — On vacation, you’ll amuse yourself by picking on a member of the Queen’s guard. When you kick one in the crown jewels, you’ll learn that they don’t have to stand completely still and can retaliate.
Cancer (6/22-7/22) — You’ll become the first American contestant on “The Great British Baking Show,” but lose quickly when you get confused over dessert terminology. Who knew strudel was called snappledoo across the pond?
Leo (7/23-8/23) — You’ll bring NBC back to prominence by creating an American version of the famed British sci-fiction series “Dr. Who.” In the Yankee version, the doctor is a gastroenterologist, which seems appropriate.
Virgo (8/24-9/22) — After entering what you think is a very raucous bar, you’ll realized you’ve walked into the British House of Commons. Even more surprising, after a few drinks you’ll be accepted as a member.
Libra (9/23-10/22) — In a stunning move, you’ll be handed a management position within the Manchester United Football Club. Within two years, the historic club will be relegated, which will greatly benefit the sport as a whole.
Scorpio (10/23-11/21) — It will be quite the scene when you attend a Memorial Day cookout dressed as a Beefeater. No one will get the joke, but you won’t be able to say you’d prefer your steak rare.
Sagittarius (11/22-12/22) — You’ll colonize the couch as you watch the royal wedding over the weekend, celebrating the most anticipated British and American collaboration since World War II.
Capricorn (12/23-1/19) — Attempting to capitalize on the next global marmite shortage, you’ll raid American shelves to resell to the British at exorbitant markups. You’ll end up trading some asshole from Liverpool for a box of mint MoonPies.
Aquarius (1/20-2/18) — You’ll test drive a Jaguar but the salesman will know you can’t secure a loan when he hears your Cockney accent. You’ll brush up on your German and walk over to the BMW dealership instead.
Pisces (2/19-3/20) — You’ll claim to be the long-lost Gallagher sibling and file a lawsuit seeking royalties from the Oasis song “Wonderwall.” Just maybeeeeeeee the jury will be the ones that saves yeeeeeeeeeee.
Aries (3/21-4/19) — After pledging allegiance to the Union Jack, you’ll be haunted by the headless ghosts of King Henry VIII’s wives. After solving some related domestic burdens, you’ll propose them all marriage.
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