Lately, it seems like I get a “list” a week from some website or media company promoting the top public or private schools in the state or country, or the safest or cleanest or healthiest cities to live in or the best place to be single or retire or the most beautiful or family-friendly beaches to visit. Or the best city to use an air fryer in to cook chicken and/or doughnuts.
The methodology on some of these “rankings” is absolutely laughable, but their creators don’t care as long as we proudly share it on social media when we are on top, and we disavow and complain about it when we are on the bottom.
These “esteemed” list-makers are just in it for the clicks as far as I can tell.
As a list-maker myself, I find this offensive. As one Jon Francis Bon Jovi once said, “shot through the heart and you’re to blame, you give lists a bad name. Yeah, you give lists a bad name.” Or maybe it was something kind of like that.
Anyway, I’ve been keeping a little list of my own of late. The methodology is as follows: It’s just stuff I have heard people complaining about.
Now I know we are always worked up about something in this city, but for whatever reason, it seems like folks have multiple bones to pick these days. So my very unscientific list supported by anecdotal data only is going to be “Top 3 Reasons Gulf Coast Residents are Pissed Right Now.”
And as Richard Dawson or Steve Harvey would say (depending on your age), the survey says…
- The Bayway Toll
You may have heard a little something about this. Just a little something maybe?
I haven’t gotten all that worked up about this to be honest because I feel we will all be dead by the time the evil toll overlords start holding their hands out. That, or our much more practical alien overlords will have taken over Earth already and will enslave us and force us to build it, so cats can wander freely back and forth across Mobile Bay.
Why? Because they regard felines as gods and goddesses and found our planet by intercepting billions of cat videos shared on our social media channels. Doh! Their first step will be replacing bay water with milk.
All hail Grumpy Cat!
But if those very likely scenarios don’t happen, we should keep on fighting the good fight to make this a reasonable situation. Something needs to be done, but no private company should profit on this at the level they are currently discussing. And while Coastal Alabamians may end up having to pay something more (maybe a minimal toll for a fixed time that simply pays for it?), Alabamians who live at higher altitudes should also have to pitch in too. I mean, remember how they needed our BP money because “the whole state was affected”? Yeah, I do too. We are all in this together, right?
Anyway, on the bright side, at least Coastal Alabamians have proven we can get the attention of the folks in Montgomery and the state’s only important city of Birmingham (in their eyes, of course). And it has been almost comical to watch our politicians try and navigate the treacherous hot water this proposal has put them in. Muhahahahaha! Pass the popcorn!
But I am still not that worried, my (toll) money is still on the aliens.
- Plans for the Mobile Civic Center
In my very unscientific collection of data that has included a lot of emails, texts and being approached at various local restaurants that Guy Fieri has no affiliation with, the Civic Center situation doesn’t seem to raise the blood pressure of folks like the toll does, but the plans that have been proposed so far have certainly raised eyebrows.
Those plans by Maryland-based Cordish Companies include razing the arena and replacing it with an outdoor event space surrounded by “themed” restaurants, bars and such.
The most common responses I have heard thus far on this:
“I know something has to be done with the Civic Center, but I just don’t understand why THIS is what they want to replace it with.”
“HOW is this even remotely fair to existing downtown businesses?”
“We don’t have a ‘dead zone’ downtown. Why do we NEED this?”
“WHAT exactly does this do to solve the Mardi Gras problem? And WHAT are we going to do about all of the other events?”
“WHO will be left paying if this concept doesn’t work?”
“WHY is the city in such a huge rush to do this?”
“WHY does it seem like this particular company was the only one REALLY in the game from the start?”
“DOES some local mover and shaker have something to do with them, because, you know, I heard ….”
The city has since come back and said this is still in the very early stages, and the plans could change and could even include an arena.
So we had a process where we accepted plans but now the plan that was presented may not be the plan? Huh? Is that how these “processes” are supposed to work?
In any case, I guess I will return my brows to their regular location for now and reserve judgment. But all of these WHOs, HOWs, WHATs and WHYs need to be answered before moving forward and any taxpayer money is spent on this. I think, I mean, I hope, we all just want what’s best for this city.
- Oh and it’s hot. Really, really, really hot. Like surface of the sun hot.
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