fbpx
  • About Us
  • Advertising
  • Legal Notices
Lagniappe Mobile
  • News
    • Cover Story
    • Latest
    • Serial Stories
    • Bay Briefs
    • Community News
    • Open Documents
    • e-Edition
  • Baldwin Edition
  • Commentary
    • Damn the Torpedoes
    • Hidden Agenda
    • Beltway Beat
    • The Real Deal
    • Weather Things
    • The Gadfly
    • Letters to the Editor
  • Cuisine
    • The Dish
    • Word of Mouth
    • Beer and Loathing
    • Cuisine Directory
  • Arts
    • Artifice
    • Art Gallery
    • The Reel World
    • Calendar
  • Music
    • Music Feature
    • Music Briefs
    • Music Listings
    • Submissions
  • Sports
    • The Score
    • The Starting Line-Up
    • From Behind The Mic
    • Upon Further Review
  • Style
    • Media Frenzy
    • Mobile Magnified
    • Horoscopes
    • Master Gardeners
    • Style Feature
  • Lagniappe HD

Select Page

Beware of Steve’s stanky eggs this Easter

Posted by Ashley Trice | Mar 23, 2016 | Hidden Agenda, by Ashley Trice | 0 |

Much like Santa Claus, apparently, we have the Germans to thank for the creation of the Easter bunny. According to a Time magazine article, German immigrants brought the tradition of the egg-laying hare they called “Osterhase” with them when they settled here.

Originally, children made nests that Osterhase could come lay colored eggs in. Which is just weird on many levels, but mainly because I’m pretty sure rabbits don’t lay eggs. In fact, I’m pretty sure they are actually known for fertilizing each other in a different way, and quite often. RRRRRROOOOOOWWWWW! But that’s another story.

Of course, this being America, eventually this tradition was commercialized to include chocolate and toys, and baskets were traded for nests — though the grass used for the nest building is still in existence. I hate that stuff. At least I know who I can thank for it now.

Apparently, other countries have similar Easter traditions but utilize different animals, such as foxes and cuckoo birds. But they still reward children with candy and prizes.

Unlike Christmas, though, there seems to be no “switch” or “coal” component to this tradition to threaten your kids with when they are being horrible brats. Which, if they are like mine, is fairly often.

So I think there should be an additional mythical creature — something hideous — like a naked mole rat — that accompanies the Bunny to serve up really rotten eggs not only to bad kids but also adults for their dirty deeds or general a-holery.

I think we will call him Steve. Why? I don’t know. The Easter Naked Mole Rat just doesn’t have much of a ring to it.

And I already have a few names Steve should consider adding to his hit list this Easter in addition to my children. Steve, some should get stankier eggs than others.

Steve, do da stanky egg, do da stanky egg, do da stanky egg.

They are as follows …

Sen. Patty Murray (D-Washington)

As I saw the very first Airbus A321 passenger jet built in Mobile flying in the sky on Monday. It made me so proud and so hopeful. I got chills. This is going to be so transformative for our city. We are officially an aerospace town. As a crazy presidential candidate would say, this is HUGE!

And it’s kind of surreal to think that in the very near future when we are all flying commercially, the plane we are on may very well have been crafted right here by our friends and neighbors. Wow. What an amazing thought.

I never doubted our workforce, but I sure remember a nasty, hateful, arrogant, downright rude senator from Washington saying, “I have stood on the line in Everett, Washington, where we have thousands of workers who go to work every day to build these planes. I would challenge anybody to tell me that they’ve stood on a line in Alabama and seen anybody building anything.”
Grrrrrr. I wonder how she feels about that statement this week?

Steve, give ol’ nasty Patty a really rotten egg and tell her to suck it.

Mobile County Commissioners Connie Hudson and Merceria Ludgood
Ladies, like it or not, the law you are fighting over with District Attorney Ashley Rich, as detailed in this week’s cover story, is, well, the law. And I even agree it’s not a great law. We are looking into its origin. And trust me, I’m very familiar with some of the dumb laws on our state books, and how futile it is to try and change them. But it’s pretty darn clear. And now the Alabama Supreme Court has ruled on this very decisively.

I wish the state would take care of this funding too, but they’re not going to. I wish the state did a lot of things differently, but they don’t. I wish my parents would have stashed more cash in my college savings plan, but they didn’t, so I’ll be making student loan payments until my kids go to college. Such is life.  

And if they aren’t going to take care of this — at least right now — doesn’t it seem like adequately funding the folks who are prosecuting all the bad guys in our county should be a TOP priority? But yet, we are focused on building soccer complexes and other vanity projects.  

Shouldn’t we want to take care of our own when Montgomery fails to do so? Especially for something as important as making sure the criminals who harm our citizens in some way are being prosecuted by the best team possible.

I get trying to make changes so it is more fair, and maybe one day it will be, but until it is, why can’t y’all sit down at a table and work through this and come up with something both sides can live with? This never-ending fight just seems counterproductive to all of our needs.

Steve, they don’t really need super stanky eggs, but maybe one that smells of compromise and another that smells like all the taxpayer money that has been burned during this tinkle match.

Teachers who have sex with their students
A bill was approved this week by an Alabama state senate committee to require teachers to take a one-hour course each year on how not to have sex with their students. I’m sure that would be a very entertaining class. While I do applaud the effort, I really doubt a 60-minute class is going to do the trick. But it does seem like we can’t go a week in this state without hearing about another teacher engaging in this highly inappropriate behavior with a kid.

And it is gross. What is wrong with you people?

Here is my “training” for them:

If you are sitting in a classroom and you find yourself remotely attracted to someone who reeks of Clearasil and pizza, and you’re saying things to yourself like “well he’s really mature for his age” or “in 10 years our age difference wouldn’t really matter (or be a felony)” or “it worked out fine for Mary Kay and Vili (ewwwww!),” put down your red pen, step away from your desk and quit your job immediately before you ruin multiple lives.

Steve, put the super stank on these eggs.

Happy Easter! May no naked mole rats visit your home this weekend.

This page is available to subscribers. Click here to sign in or get access. During the month of December, give (or get) a one year subscription with TWO months FREE.

Share:

Rate:

PreviousMobile-Cuba connection ready to be reignited
NextWhat’s it like to be a publisher?

About The Author

Ashley Trice

Ashley Trice

Ashley Trice is the editor and publisher of Lagniappe Weekly, which she co-founded with fellow publisher Rob Holbert in July 2002. Lagniappe has steadily grown from a 5,000 circulation biweekly into the 30,000 weekly newspaper it is today. Originally from Jackson, Alabama, she graduated cum laude from the University of South Alabama in 2000 with a BA in communications and did some post graduate work at the University of Texas. She was in the 2011 class of Mobile Bay Monthly’s 40 Under 40. She is the recipient of the 2003 Award for Excellence in In-Depth Reporting by the Mobile Press Club and for Humorous Commentary by the Society of Professional Journalists in 2010 and 2018. In 2015, she won a national writing award presented by the Association of Alternative Newsmedia for “Best Column.” She won the Alabama Press Association Award for Best Editorial Column in 2017 and for Best Humor Column in 2018. She is married to Frank Trice and they live in Midtown with their children Anders and Ellen, and dog Mattie.

Related Posts

The hot mess primary is coming to an end

The hot mess primary is coming to an end

July 8, 2020

Kick the tires a little more in governor’s race

Kick the tires a little more in governor’s race

May 30, 2018

Getting back into the swing of things

Getting back into the swing of things

October 14, 2020

Condescending politicians fishing for votes

Condescending politicians fishing for votes

June 21, 2017

Recommended Stories

Celebrating ‘9 to 5’

By Stephen Centanni

Museum show opens after five-year wait

By Kevin Lee

Come for the tamales, stay for the fried chicken

By Andy MacDonald

To believe it or not?

By Rob Holbert

Enough is enough

By Ashley Trice


  • Advertising
  • About Us
  • Contacts
  • Jobs
  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy
  • Give The Gift Of Local News

Search This Site

Browse the Archives

© Lagniappe Mobile 2021

[yop_poll id=”-1″]