Listen closely, can you hear that? It’s the sound of whistles blowing, bags of chips being poured onto trays and cold beers being cracked opened. It’s the sound of people in Alabama’s favorite time of year. It is … football season! Even though the gossip doesn’t flow as strongly during football season, it is still one of Boozie’s favorite times of the year.

Yeah, it might still be hot as h*ll out there but I know it won’t be long before it’s sweater weather. So I guess I’ll keep dreaming and squeeze in one last weekend at the beach before I start on my winter bod. Anywho, get ready to sink your cleats into this week’s gossip.

Looking for a beach
Speaking of one last weekend at the beach, HGTV has been busy in the area. I first reported of a local couple being on “House Hunters” — if you missed it there is still a chance to catch it on Sunday, Sept. 4, at 6 p.m. Let’s just say it’s one you don’t want to miss and not to mention entertaining.  

Back on topic, the current season of “Beachfront Bargain Hunt” features Dauphin Island and Gulf Shores! I know if you are just now reading this you missed the Dauphin Island episode; sorry I failed you as Gossip Queen. But no worries, it will run again on Sunday, Sept. 18, at 6 p.m. The Gulf Shores episode is set to run Sunday, Sept. 25, at 7:30 p.m. and Monday, Sept. 26, at 2:30 a.m. Who is up on a Monday at 2:30 a.m. is beyond me, so I plan to catch the earlier airing. Or I guess that’s why God invented the DVR (or whoever invented it).

I am sure since the Gulf Shores episode involves looking for a home for the whole family, they won’t mention all of Boozie’s favorite watering holes, but that’s OK, I’ll watch with a bushwacker in hand and in support of the Gulf Coast. The more attention we get, the better!

Beer me
Dauphin Street Beer Festival wrapped up its 19th year this past Saturday night. Boozie thinks it gets more and more popular each year. By Friday most bars had sold out of tickets and only a few remained on Saturday. Boozie learned last year not to procrastinate when it comes to getting your tickets.

A heavy police presence and enforcement of a new open container ordinance didn’t seem to deter anyone. Many venues were packed, especially the courtyards behind the OK Bicycle Shop and Union, O’Daly’s and Draft Picks, Kazoola, Brickyard and the Flip Side. Pretzel necklaces were the hot accessory, but there was also ample lederhosen, beer guzzler helmets, beer mug hats and risqué T-shirts.

Boozie’s spies, who themselves were aggressively sampling the brews, didn’t report too many shenanigans, but some amateurs clearly didn’t know how to pace themselves or, even worse, came to drink with an empty stomach. To put it nicely, there were multiple calls for cleanups on Aisle Dauphin.

Alcohol is known to encourage, among other things, “dancing like nobody’s watching.” One mother who was escorting her young son to the bathroom in the back of Moe’s instinctively shielded his eyes from a middle-aged couple, who were grinding to J-Kwon’s “Tipsy.” The plus-size dancing woman was not dressed the least bit modestly, and had she not been wearing underwear, she surely would have violated indecent exposure laws. Mayor Sandy Stimpson was also spotted at Moe’s, but toward the end of the festival. Luckily he missed one of Mobile’s fine citizens enjoying a great event.

Farther down Dauphin, someone was caught completely lounged out and “sleeping” on a pool table at Pat’s. With the help of some friends, and Mobile’s finest, they were gingerly awakened and asked to sober up at home.

Speaking of the police, do you ever wonder what the horses of the Mobile Police Department’s Mounted Unit are thinking? They must be very patient beasts, as I don’t know many humans who would allow random drunks to rub their foreheads, kiss their noses and force them to pose for selfies. Bless them and their calm yet imposing presence.

Outside of Veet’s, a traveling comedian was telling some very funny, albeit un-PC, jokes about the Olympics, Hillary Clinton and kissing cousins, when he nearly committed the ultimate party foul. Veet’s is a destination for Mobile’s biker community, and the parking spaces out front are usually occupied by every kind of Harley-Davidson, parked side-by-side, precariously, on their kickstands.

You can guess what almost happened next, and it was reminiscent of that scene from “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.” After delivering a punchline, the jokester took a step backward, lost his footing on the curb and fell into one of the bikes, which fell onto the bike next to it. Luckily, there was someone standing between the second bike and the next 10 or 12 in line, and a very expensive domino effect was avoided. Had the comedian been less funny, he might have been “taken out back,” but he was incredibly apologetic and embarrassed, and the bike’s owner was gracious, saying he could fix the resulting scratches and dents himself. All in good fun!

Well, kids, that’s all I’ve got this week. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ Harley-Davidson lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!