Cheeseburgers in our own little paradise, flying mullet, Prancing Elites and floppiness. Just another busy weekend on the Gulf Coast. The spies were dispatched and have filed their reports and apparently a whole lot of cray cray has been going on all over the place. So go ahead and read all about it, it will make you feel better about yourself and your own mental illness and/or substance abuse.

Buffett comes home

Mobile native Jimmy Buffett played a sold-out concert at The Wharf on Friday, April 24. According to all of the Parrotheads in attendance, it was a fantastic show and “the son of a son of a sailor” seemed genuinely happy to be home. He told some stories about growing up here, as images of the area flashed up on the screen behind him. He did a cover of “Sweet Home Alabama” and sang “Sweet Home Flora-Bama,” being careful to also mention little sister Lucy’s local beachside bar too. Adding “And LuLu’s too!” That’s a smart man and brother!

There were some other interesting things happening off the stage though.

It is rumored Apple CEO and Robertsdale native Tim Cook was in attendance, though we haven’t been able to confirm that.

We do have 100 percent confirmation however that someone smuggled a dog in that was dressed in its own little doggie Parrothead attire.

And there was also a scrap between two “ladies” over a purse. It seems one lady accidentally hit another lady in an adjacent row in the head with her purse. There were some cross words exchanged and the older lady of the two involved slapped the younger one right across the face, causing the younger one to start screaming, “I’m gonna have to whip a 60 year old b*tch’s a**.” Geez ladies. I can imagine such behavior at Megadeath, but the soothing tropical sounds of Buffett? Come on!

Anyway, other than those two, we hear it was quite a grand time.

Mullets weren’t all that were flying

At the other end of OBA, people flocked to the Flora-Bama’s annual Mullet Toss. Of course, there was all the usual insanity you see there. People wearing thongs who shouldn’t, lots of PDA and that sort of thing. This year, there was actually a barber on site giving men mullets. Oh lawd no! No word on if a tailor was there also handing out jorts.

There was a bit of a scary moment though when winds from Saturday’s severe weather sent tents flying all over the beach. But the weather didn’t dampen the spirits of the folks inside. At one stage, patrons were treated to the musical stylings of Big Earl. The backdrops on Big Earl’s stage rivaled that of Buffett’s.

OK, well maybe it wasn’t that elaborate, but it did include a wheel which you could spin if you wanted them to play you a song. Whatever it landed on is what it would cost you. The biggest spot on the wheel read, “show me your big ol’ titties.” The spies weren’t sure if it was rigged to hit that every time but said it sure did land there a lot. And they personally witnessed one woman who obliged Big E.

But it wasn’t all boobies at the Bama, there was also love in the air, as one gentleman proposed to his lady friend on the Big Earl stage and she said yes!

And we also hear a former “Commish” who was notoriously fond of Mullet Toss, according to trial transcripts, may have also been present. At the very least he was posting pics of himself on social media with bikini-clad young women on the beach with captions that read things like “still a man of the people.” SMH (That’s short for “shaking my head,” old people.) Let’s say it and then do it again together, SMH.

Elites prance onto the small screen

“The Prancing Elites Project” on the Oxygen Network is getting rave reviews and, of course, features a lot of familiar faces and places. The show airs on Wednesday nights at 9 p.m. and profiles the all-male cheerleading squad from Mobile, which gained notoriety a few years ago after Shaquille O’ Neal tweeted out a video of one of their dance routines. The show is doing so well it broke network records, garnering over 1 million viewers, making it the highest rated show on the network since their rebrand in October 2014. Go Elites! We are rooting for you!

Floppiness funnies

At a council meeting last week, Orange Beach Mayor Pro Tem Jeff Silvers made a statement about how dismayed he was that The Wharf had booked jam band Widespread Panic, citing the problems they had had with their fans in the past.

“We don’t promote that style of living and floppiness that’s happened, that they will bring,” Silvers said.

Later Mayor Tony Kennon echoed Silvers sentiments adding, “There was defecation in public bathrooms, sleeping in breezeways at retail centers and in other people’s garages, destruction of private and public property — and the list goes on and on and on.”

Between their two statements, it almost broke the Internet, with hilarious memes popping up all over social media and on fan message boards.

I can only imagine the interesting T-shirts that will be sold in the lot at this show.

Well kids, that’s all I got this time. Just remember whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ Big Earl booby lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!