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Feliz Navidad! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Whatever you are celebrating, I hope you are doing it with great cheer! Holiday office parties are gearing up, and they usually bring me plenty to write about, as there are lots of rear ends to be photocopied and folks who have been over-served doing what they do best!
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! But before all those shenanigans start, we need to review what happened in the big crazy, world last week, and it is pretty crazy, so let’s get to it!
Whatabutt at Whatburger!
Late last Saturday night, a spy sent me a video of a very odd performance from the Whataburger drive-thru on Government Street. While the spy was waiting in line for his Thick and Hearty burger, he witnessed something even more “thick and hearty.” A young lady in one of the cars in front of him jumped out and did some sort of strange strip tease (without the stripping) and booty dance on the hood of the car she jumped out of. Sort of like that Paris Hilton Hardee’s commercial but different. The spy was not sure if she lost a bet or was just messing with her friends or what but it definitely made sitting in the drive thru a lot more interesting, to say the least.
Speaking of thick and hearty, it seems the man whose mugshot gained him worldwide acclaim last month for the thickness of his neck has found the yin to his yang.
Charles Dion McDowell who was arrested on various drug charges and eluding police in Escambia County, Florida gained internet fame once his photo went viral and immediately people began making memes by Photoshopping his robust neck and head onto various cartoons (Shrek/Neck), album covers (Neckleback) and historic photos (The Loch Neck Monster), among many, many, many other things.
Apparently McDowell isn’t the only one famous for his neck on the world wide web, however. It seems another gentleman is known for his being really skinny. David Samuelson, Jr. of Flint, Michigan, aka “Damn Long Neck” saw the attention “Neck Man” was getting and started an online feud of sorts.
So, of course, if the internet is to be believed — and why not, right? — someone brought the two together and made a video called “All Necks Matter,” which I am not sure if it is really glorious or really sad. Or both. But you can judge for yourself by googling “neck guys meet.” But warning, the necks both have potty mouths, so be careful if you are watching at work. Just when we think our country is so divided, these two necks, who couldn’t be more different, show us the meaning of coming together. God bless America!
Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!
Last week, the good people of Mobile were complaining about the move of the city’s Christmas tree from Bienville Square to Mardi Gras Park, as Mobilians like to do. But then, they saw how freaking awesome it was and all the griping stopped.
The new tree, which is much bigger and cooler, also has a pathway you can walk through, which makes it a great place for taking photos.
I’m told Mayor Sandy Stimpson and his wife Jean, Santa, Mrs. Claus and and his elves, along with the very strange city mascot/furry convention escapee known as Sandy Bear all helped light the new tree. Definitely go check it out. It’s really neat! Just stay away from Sandy Bear!
Well kids, that’s all I got this week. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ big or li’l neck lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!