Libra (9/23-10/22) — With the pending closing of the Oakleigh House Museum, you’ll have to find a new meeting location for your Southern Authors, Folding Fans and Sweet Tea Appreciation Club, SAFFSTA for short. Your Ten65 priority is finding out who has the missing Party Animal costume.
Scorpio (10/23-11/21) — There’s no reason to climb the corporate ladder to earn a six-figure salary, just aim for a midlevel appointment in Mayor Stimpson’s administration. Your Ten65 priority is rocking an outfit like the kid in Big Boi’s music video for “All Night.”
Sagittarius (11/22-12/22) — Now that the “circle game” has been interpreted as a white power symbol and yearbooks are scrutinized for evidence of personal morality, the only job you’re ethically qualified for is president of the United States. Your Ten65 priority is to avoid being knocked unconscious by a wayward aircraft in the drone races.
Capricorn (12/23-1/19) — Not exactly sympathetic with residents of Olde Towne Daphne over potential residential development, you would be more outraged there is a Popeye’s Chicken in the neighborhood instead of a Church’s. Your Ten65 priority is to turn the clock back to 2008 at Top of the Orange’s performance.
Aquarius (1/20-2/18) — Even if you’re a Davidson High School student who scored a perfect 36 on the ACT, you will still barely pass a challenging editing test using copy sourced from certain Lagniappe freelance writers. Your Ten65 priority is supporting the local artists in Ryan Park.
Pisces (2/19-3/20) — Inspired by the film “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” you’ll permanently relocate to Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood in an effort to tune out the political and social realities of the U.S. in 2018. Your Ten65 priority is to sing and dance along to Mayer Hawthorne’s “The Walk.”
Aries (3/21-4/19) — Just when you thought grown men making virally bad decisions would be inadvisable, a USA student was expelled for hanging a noose on campus. What’s next? Kanye praising Trump? Oh wait … Your Ten65 priority is to show a tourist the attractions of downtown Mobile.
Taurus (4/20-5/20) — Feeling better about your personal safety with Bill Cosby in prison, you can finally enjoy a Jell-O Pudding Pop without remorse. Your Ten65 priority is to patronize the businesses downtown and show some love to service industry employees.
Gemini (5/21-6/21) — You will don your tunic and jump in your chariot to celebrate “Roman Festivals” with the Mobile Symphony Orchestra. Afterward, enjoy a Hot & Ready® pizza from Little Ceasar’s. Your Ten65 priority is helping Wet Willie be embraced by a new generation of fans.
Cancer (6/22-7/22) — Trying to become the most bougie pet owner on Instagram, you consider preparing daily nine-course meals for your dog. Your Ten65 priority is to have a great time wherever you are.
Leo (7/23-8/23) — Seeing an obvious missed opportunity during Urban Emporium’s Grilled Cheese Meltdown Oct. 11, you apply for an expedited permit to host Mobile’s inaugural Tomato Soup Boil in Bienville Square the same day. Your Ten65 priority is to not get trapped in the traffic on the festival’s namesake corridors.
Virgo (8/24-9/22) — Recognizing a smart long-term investment, you purchase coastal property in Mississippi, realizing it’s the beneficiary of all the sand eroding from Dauphin Island. Your Ten65 priority is greet Jake Peavy by saying, “Hey there, slugger.”