You people need to stop. Seriously. I can’t even keep up with all that is going on. I’m trying but there is cook-off after cook-off, parades, concerts, festivals, charity events, skiing rodents and oh, St. Patrick’s Day, which should now be known as St. Patrick’s Days as it gets two on the years it falls during the week, which is most of them!

Anyway, I am not really complaining. I am happy to have so much material to sort through. The spies and I have been working overtime for you, so enjoy!

Elvis has left the city

Elvis Costello’s Friday the 13th performance did not prove unlucky for those in attendance, as I am told he charmed all of his fans by playing all the hits, “Allison,” “Veronica,” “Peace, Love and Understanding” and “Watching the Detectives,” among others. He also told some entertaining tales about his career and even mentioned he was last in Mobile in 1979. My spies said they were all impressed by the backdrop on stage, which featured a cool vintage TV and footage of his father and other scenes, which went along with his storytelling.

One local lady dining at The Royal Scam before the show had some old 45 records in the sleeves she wanted Elvis to sign. She was later spotted having her wish granted by Mr. Costello.

My spies said they also heard no one yell, “Roll Tide,” which is kind of a miracle.

St. Patrick’s Day shenanigans

The spies in the OGD, said the weather cleared up just in time for Callaghan’s annual St. Patrick’s Day party on Saturday, March 14.
I am told it was packed as usual and the crowd was treated to music by DJ Pablo, Drunker Shade of Green, Naughty Professor, Cardinal Sons and Kansas Bible Company.

Thousands celebrated St. Patrick’s Day (a little early) at Callaghan’s annual street party on March 14.

Thousands celebrated St. Patrick’s Day (a little early) at Callaghan’s annual street party on March 14.

Before the party really got going at Callaghan’s there were several pre-parties going on at homes in OGD. Green Jell-o shots have always been a favorite breakfast of the Boozester.

I’m told the ladies in tight green tank tops really made an impression on all of the drunken men, as did the “girl in the really short shorts and green and white thigh highs.” The lady folk said the dude dressed as a green Teletubbie with a large jam box really “corned their beef,” as the Irish say.

A neighborhood spy said there were more cars left overnight than usual, so she wasn’t sure if everyone was just being safe or if folks were getting lucky in a different way.

We will have more next issue as the St. Paddy’s Day shenanigans keep coming in.

Twiggy the water-skiing squirrel narrowly escapes death

So, the Mobile Boat Show also went on last weekend, which always features an appearance by everyone’s favorite water skiing squirrel Twiggy. According to my spies, it seems poor Twiggy narrowly escaped electrocution after one of the attendees “accidentally” knocked a piece of live electronic equipment into his pool or “performance arena.”

We are told poor Twiggy was understandably terrified and jumped out of his skis and into the crowd. We hear he eventually came back and was unharmed. No word on if any charges will be filed against the attempted squirrel murderers.

This Bud’s for you and you and you

The Mobile Police Department “responded to Herman Drive in reference to a recovered stolen Budweiser semi-truck Monday. The recovered 18-wheeler was taken from the Budweiser warehouse at 1050 E-I-65 Service Road Monday night. Approximately 580 cases of assorted beer were removed from the truck before it was abandoned on Herman Drive.  The vehicle was unoccupied at the time it was recovered.

It didn’t take long, though, before some suspects were arrested. A Lagniappe reporter rather quickly calculated that would be 13, 920 beers that disappeared, so the suspects may have been a bit bloated, or perhaps easily caught in an area men’s room. And my guess is while the latest Bud Light ads like to say they are “up for whatever,” the folks over at our local distributor were probably not too “up” for this.

Strange appearance from “3rd Rock” star

So according to multiple spies and at least one other media outlet, the attendees of the ultra swank Drug Education Council luncheon last week were treated to a rather bizarre appearance from “3rd Rock from the Sun” actress Kristen Johnson, who was the special guest speaker and who has reportedly been sober for eight years, after battling alcohol and narcotics addiction.

Many people in attendance, stopping short of speculating further, said she was “at the very least acting very strangely.” Instead of actually giving a speech, she reportedly just began reading one of the chapters of her book, a chapter that had nothing to do with her struggle with addiction. She almost immediately broke the microphone, which she made a joke about and also dropped the F-bomb several times, even though there were children in attendance, according to spies. After the reading of the chapter in the book went on and on and people needed to get back to work, organizers actually cut her “speech” short and had FOX 10’s Bob Grip, who was the emcee, help get her off stage. WPMI reported she was seen crying after the event.

That’s sad. Hopefully she is OK.

The spies said other than her strange behavior the event was a great success and her speech definitely made the event “interesting.” But the spy added they hoped her actions didn’t take anything away from the great work the Drug Education Council does for this community. The Boozester totally agrees!

Another quipped, “This will probably be a chapter in her next book.”

Well kids, that’s all I got. Just remember, whether it’s rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or some plain ol’ Twiggy lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!