Well we all certainly let freedom ring this past Fourth of July weekend. I’ll have to say I’ve never seen so many American flag bikinis in my life. I’m not really sure if this is what I would consider “patriotism,” but it is your right as an American to wear such tackiness and I will defend your right to do so until the day I die. I’m sure the founding fathers would have enjoyed it though, but many of them had mistresses, so chew on that.

Anyway, I scooped up some pretty tasty fun and packaged it right up here for you to enjoy while wearing your flag bikini or weenie bikini of choice. So enjoy and God Bless America!

Fourth of July fun

My Gulf Shores/OB spy had several interesting tidbits from the BaCo beaches over the Fourth of July weekend.

•A couple of good ‘ole boys were walking down the beach, looking at the bikini-clad beauties everywhere. One was overheard to say, “There is more ass down here than at a damn donkey auction.” Klassy!

•At a crowded beach restaurant at dinnertime, a couple of out-of-towners had to sit at the bar while waiting for a table. They asked the bartender, “What is a good local drink?” She quickly replied “Bushwacker.” They asked “What is in it?” She said, “Lotsa secret stuff, and ordering a floater makes it even better.” They said, “Let’s do it!”

After the guys had quickly consumed a couple each they wondered aloud why they were feeling so tipsy after having ice cream drinks. She explained a floater meant an extra shot of 151. They said they thought it was named after the feeling they were experiencing. 

•A young couple paddled up to the crowded beach in a pair of rented kayaks. They gingerly got out of their vessels, not a drop of water on them. The two lovebirds then went “swimming,” hanging on very closely to one another the whole time.

Afterwards, the gallant guy insisted on putting all the things they wanted to keep dry in HIS kayak —towels, wallet, bag, phones, etc. He decided to launch first and promptly flipped over on the first wave, filling the kayak with water and soaking everything.

She howled with laughter, was a good sport, even picking up his kayak to empty out the water and dry off what she could. Then she helped him launch and took off after him, laughing the whole time, while he nursed his ego.

Fireworks in the OGD?

My Oakleigh spies reported hearing plenty of bangs on The Fourth, but they were pretty certain they weren’t bottle rockets. Nope, one spy said it sounded more like a war zone than a celebration of independence.

Y’all, just a reminder, what goes up must come down. In other news, a man was injured in another part of town when he was struck by a bullet he believed to be from a round of “celebratory” gunfire. Guys, Roman Candles are still loads of fun and you don’t have to worry about those pesky innocent bystanders. Well, not as much.

Frankly Scarlett, I do give a damn!

We are no strangers to reality shows here in Lower Alabama. We’ve had “Big Shrimpin’” and “Sweet Home Alabama” and been featured in food shows such as “Man versus Food” and “Ludo Bites,” among others. Now another reality show set in Alabama has a Mobile connection. Bravo’s “Jersey Belle” is set to premiere Aug. 4.

“Our newest docu-series follows outspoken New Jersey native and entertainment publicist Jaime Primak Sullivan as she navigates life in the upscale Southern suburb of Mountain Brook, Alabama. Jaime’s life was turned upside down after she married Michael Sullivan, Mountain Brook’s ‘most eligible bachelor.’

Surrounded by a fabulous group of girlfriends who want nothing more than to sculpt her into a Southern darling, Jaime tries to fit in to a world that is not ready for an unapologetic woman who likes to speak her mind — often with hilarious results,” the Bravo website reads.

Well one of the Mountain Brook girlfriends is apparently Mobile native, Scarlett Coggin Simmons, a St. Paul’s alumna.

We can’t wait to watch and are certainly glad a Mobilian named Scarlett will be representin’ us as she helps “sculpt” this Jersey chick into a “Southern darling,” if that is even possible.

Penguin Prima Donna?

Apparently one of the African Black-Footed Penguins at the Exploreum’s new “Penguin Planet” exhibit is a real diva.

Mooshu, a dominant male, typically demands to be fed before the other three — including his own spouse, the docile Cranberry. (Sounds familiar!)

When Mooshu is in the water the other mated pair, Ninja and Jelly, won’t join him. 

Since their debut last week, Mooshu has stolen the show. He’ll perform for the crowd while the others lounge in the background. 

Ninja, himself a blubbery specimen, does not seem very interested in Mooshu’s “performances.” Our spies did question Ninja’s martial arts credentials though, as he appears to have no formal training. I’m sure if he had, Mooshu’s ‘tude would be dealt with accordingly.

Well kids, that’s all I have this issue. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or some plain ol’ crabby penguin lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!