Kenny mania has subsided and been replaced with extreme heat. Suddenly those Ice Bucket Challenges look pretty darn refreshing. Newsflash: it’s hot y’all. But I’m not going to waste ink complaining about heat when there’s so much hotter gossip to get to.
So dive on in …
The skinny on Kenny
An estimated 40,000 folks came by land and by sea to the Flora-Bama to enjoy a free concert by country music star Kenny Chesney Aug. 16. My spies said he did not disappoint and his fans were singing along to all of his hit songs. The spies did say they weren’t sure if it was his magnetism, the extreme heat or the booze, or perhaps a combination of the three, but there were lots of folks passing out on the sand.
Some other observations:
A group of men who had played in a golf tournament (and obviously won) earlier in the day, showed up at the Flora-Bama with their trophy in hand. Security did not take kindly to this, as they thought the men had stolen it from the bar’s own trophy case.
The gentlemen golfers had to pull out their phones and fire up their Instagram accounts to show the guards pics of their trophy presentation. Later they were seen walking around with said trophy and oddly enough, one of them was wearing a giant horse head. Um, OK. No shirt, no horseshoes, no problem?
Another spy noted a group of six concertgoers headed to the bar on motorized ice chests. Yes, motorized ice chests. This certainly gives drinking and driving a whole new meaning. Our spy reported extreme jealously upon seeing this crew.
Some of our fancy pants VIP spies with backstage passes said the backstage area was actually pretty empty, but some of the Flora-Bama owners and Orange Beach mayor Tony Kennon were spotted back there.
Another VIP spy said one woman and total stranger who noticed he and his wife’s credentials tried to buy his wife’s backstage pass from him. When the VIP spy asked what his wife was supposed to do then, the woman suggested the wife could hang out with her husband on the beach. Um, yeah, so needless to say, that transaction did not take place. People have no shame when it comes to loving their Kenny, even if it involves spouse swapping.
Speaking of VIP sightings, we are told a group of 13-year-old boys who camped out on the beach in front of the Flora-Bama got the wake-up call of their young lives. Rumor has it they were awakened by none other than Kenny Chesney himself who had a video camera in hand and said he was going to put the footage he was capturing in his “Flora-Bama” song video. This one seems a little hard to believe, but I guess we’ll see when the video comes out.
Anyway, huge props to the organizers who put this stellar event on in record time. Someone said it was only 45 days in the making. That’s pretty incredible when you think about how huge a production it turned out to be.
“Honey Hauler” for sale
You know we love us some creepy and/or funny Craigslist posts. This “for sale” entry that popped up this week from a “gentleman” in Semmes covered all those bases. And then some. This selfless seller is even hoping to help someone find love or well, something else, as described in the ad.
“1984 Kawasaki X2 with a 18 horse outboard Johnson. Sumbeech will fly. Nicknamed the honey hauler for a good reason. Float up to the beach on this bad boy and the (expletive) will flock. Happens to me every year. Every summer it’s the same old thing, give me a ride they ask… “I’ll take my bikini top off they say, but it doesn’t end there.” With this 1984 ‘saki powered by a 18 hp two stroke Johnson, you’ll feel like breaking bad mixing the oil and gasoline. Plus that extra seat and power means you can load this baby up with all the biggest beach whales… (Trust me, I know.)
This wave slammer hauls!! If the girl doesn’t take her top off, that’s ok cause the wind will blow it off for sure. 40-year-old virgin? Girlfriend or wife cut you off at home? No problem. This is the ship for you. Built in 1984, the engineers had (expletive) magnet clearly on the build sheet. This ain’t no fishin’ boat but it’s been hauling (expletive) for years. This is a bachelors dream right here and you won’t find a better price for this mini-yacht – one easy payment of $650…”
I sure hope this is a joke, but if not, perhaps it’s available for viewing at the Semmes Yacht Club.
Well kids, that’s all I got. Just remember whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ honey hauler lovin’ I will be there. Ciao!