It’s almost summer, y’all! We have been blessed with a gloriously mild spring, but we live on the Gulf Coast, so it is about to get hotter than nine hells, as my fictional great Aunt Edna would say. But we have a few more weeks that we can pretend we have four seasons. In the meantime, I have some really fishy and feathery scoop we can put in your bellies. So go ahead and dig on in. Make sure to watch out for bones!

Mullet tossed!

My spies who attended the 34th annual Mullet Toss at the Flora-Bama said it was as expected and they meant that as a compliment.

One of my spies said she and her friends determined the themes of the weekend were “Booty, booty, booty!” and “Thongs where they don’t belong!” They also said there were tons of mullets (the haircut, not the fish). Some were ironic (including wigs and Trump-like ball caps reading ‘Make Mullets Great Again”) and some were just people who have been sporting mullets since the ‘80s. Hey, you can’t go wrong with “business in the front and party in the back!” Well, yes you can, but we aren’t focusing on that today.

They also said American patriotism as expressed in swimwear seemed to be a big theme — lots of patriotic bikinis and weenie bikinis. There was even a fair-complected man sporting some sort of stars and stripes unitard but very obviously not wearing sunscreen. That should make for some interesting tan lines!

The spies said the usual shenanigans were observed. The bikini and “hard body” contests featured plenty of tattoos, body piercings and even a fanny pack or two. There were lots of folks sipping on the Bama’s signature Bushwackers, doing shots they probably shouldn’t have been doing and having a good ol’ time.

My spies were particularly impressed by a group who had “anchored” their giant unicorn float in the water right in front of the Flora-Bama. They seemed to have one of the best vantage points, according to the spies.

Oh, and I guess some folks actually tossed some fish, too. But who really goes there for that? (Well, I guess some do.) Another great year of craziness at one of our area’s (and the world’s) best dives.

When you gotta go

So, my spies also made a stop at Pirate’s Cove over the weekend. (I did not ask how may Bushwackers they consumed in 48 hours between Flora-Bama and Pirate’s Cove, but I am sure (I hope), the numbers were staggering!)

Anyway, they said the place was packed and folks were enjoying lounging on the little beach area out front, particularly because someone’s little dog who “kind of looked like Spuds Mackenzie” and was sporting a GoPro was really putting on a show for everyone. Apparently he was running around everywhere, full of energy. But suddenly, the urge hit him and he hiked a leg and just peed all over someone’s unattended beach bag, causing giggles and gasps among the assembled patrons.

I am sure that caused said bag’s owner much confusion later. “Why is this wet? What is this smell? Did I do this?”

Perees the Peacock update

Last week, we reported on Perees, the Spring Hill Peacock, a bird who allegedly flew the coop from his West Mobile home when his owner introduced another male bird into the brood. After hearing about a peacock sighting near their homes, a group of Spring Hill residents went on a mission to find him. They found him on a nearby residential roof, which spurred the creation a Facebook page and Perees Fan Club T-shirts.

Although there were a few reported sightings and some alleged sightings since, it seems Perees has not been spotted in a week or two. Maybe he flew off to become someone’s emotional support animal? Peacocks are known for that, after all!

Though he hasn’t been seen, members of the group have been posting all sorts of peacock merchandise — everything from lawn art and rafts to evening jackets and murals. Who knew there was so much peacock swag?

Anyway, we still hope he finds his way home. Godspeed, Perees!

Well kids, that’s all I got this week. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or some plain ol’ “booty, booty, booty” lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!