fbpx
  • About Us
  • Advertising
  • Legal Notices
Lagniappe Mobile
  • News
    • Cover Story
    • Latest
    • Serial Stories
    • Bay Briefs
    • Community News
    • Open Documents
    • e-Edition
  • Baldwin
  • Commentary
    • Damn the Torpedoes
    • Hidden Agenda
    • Beltway Beat
    • The Real Deal
    • Weather Things
    • The Gadfly
    • Letters to the Editor
  • Cuisine
    • The Dish
    • Word of Mouth
    • Beer and Loathing
    • Cuisine Directory
  • Arts
    • Artifice
    • Art Gallery
    • The Reel World
    • Calendar
  • Music
    • Music Feature
    • Music Briefs
    • Music Listings
    • Submissions
  • Sports
    • The Score
    • The Starting Line-Up
    • From Behind The Mic
    • Upon Further Review
  • Style
    • Media Frenzy
    • Mobile Magnified
    • Horoscopes
    • Master Gardeners
    • Style Feature
  • Lagniappe HD
  • Lagnia-POD

Select Page

It’s boom boom time

Posted by Doctor Zodiac | Feb 13, 2019 | Port City Premonitions | 0 |

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) — You’ll go “cavalier” at the Conde Cavaliers parade Friday when you repeatedly hop over the barricades and risk your life to retrieve $.03-cent trinkets from the rain-soaked street.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) — Inspired by Mobile’s original nursery entrepreneurs, you’ll attempt to splice the DNA of kudzu and poison ivy to create an inexpensive living “wall” of vines which may or may not deter illegal immigration.

Aries (3/21-4/19) — After trying each and every one of the offerings at this weekend’s King Cake-Off, you’ll require an injection of glucagon. Years later, when surgeons are clearing your arteries, they’ll remove a baby-shaped blood clot.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) — Things will get real existential at a concert by The Krickets when they start playing a Scorpions cover in the style of The Beatles, to the beat of an Iron Butterfly tune.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) — You’ll cave to the pressure and admit what you did when the National Enquirer threatens to post photos of you proudly wearing a “hip-hop Looney Tunes” T-shirt from the early ‘90s. Thankfully, your blackface photos are still private.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) — Inspired by the spending habits of some local public entities, you’ll outfit every room in your house with a talking toilet. “The Pot-diatrist” will take stool samples every day and diagnose illnesses.

Leo (7/23-8/22) — In an effort to defend against a raid by the Mobile Police Department’s SWAT team, you engineer and outfit your house with a Krispy Kreme cannon capable of firing 300 glazed donuts per minute. Wait ‘til they see your sprinkle gun.

Virgo (8/23-9/22) — Inspired by the Conde Explorers parade, you’ll go to Fort Conde to explore. You’ll find a hidden map in a picture frame that will direct you to a gang hideout, where a deformed giant will lead you through an underground tunnel and past booby traps to One-Eyed Willie’s lost treasure.

Libra (9/23-10/22) — You’ll hijack the replica Columbus ships at The Wharf and sail back to Spain, carrying nothing but a payload of healing crystals and as many anti-vaxxers you could lure.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) — You’ll get disoriented somewhere between Mobile Mardi Gras Route K and Mobile Mardi Gras Route Z. Searching frantically for a recognizable landmark, you eventually follow a trail of sludge leaking from Hayley’s bathroom.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) ­­— In an effort to maximize your return, you’ll get creative when filing your taxes this year. Medical expenses may include nipple augmentation for your dog, and technically, child support is a charitable contribution.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) — After an argument with a Dutchman online, you’ll be relieved to find out that because the Netherlands has never faced widespread oppression, you can, in fact, make fun of Flordoflorsten Van Den Berg’s name.

This page is available to subscribers. Click here to sign in or get access. During the month of December, give (or get) a one year subscription with TWO months FREE.

Share:

Rate:

PreviousCollege softball teams swinging for postseason honors
NextCalendar of Events: February 13 – 19 , 2019

About The Author

Doctor Zodiac

Doctor Zodiac

Related Posts

Taurus’ new temptress   makes a mean pot pie

Taurus’ new temptress makes a mean pot pie

January 14, 2015

Leo’s lack of law license no hindrance for SCOTUS

Leo’s lack of law license no hindrance for SCOTUS

February 17, 2016

It’s more than mimosas

It’s more than mimosas

November 7, 2018

Kansas City Irks Taurus

Kansas City Irks Taurus

August 31, 2016

Recommended Stories

Fried chicken with ‘Hart’

By Andy MacDonald

Has Big Tech made us better?

By Rob Holbert

A nice daydream 

By Ashley Trice

NSFW hit launches country artist’s career

By Stephen Centanni

A reiteration from the ether

By Kevin Lee



  • Advertising
  • About Us
  • Contacts
  • Jobs
  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy

Search This Site

Browse the Archives

© Lagniappe Mobile 2021

[yop_poll id=”-1″]