Mardi Gras is so hard. It’s just so hard. Hard on my head. Hard on my liver. Hard on my spies. And their heads and livers. And hard on all of our moral compasses. While the head and liver thing makes my job a little difficult, the moral compass thing is a gossip columnist’s dream. And you guys have not disappointed so far.

I’m just trying to scoop it all up while the scoopin’ is good because come Lent, the morality returns and I’m left trying to scrape up crumbs from everywhere I can… at least until St Patrick’s Day. It’s pitiful really. But I do this all for you my dear readers. So let’s get to it!

Krewe of Phoenix dazzles

My spies report the Krewe of Phoenix Ball at Fort Whiting on Feb. 8 was simply fabulous. As one of the city’s handful of all-inclusive Mardi Gras organizations, it is nice to see this relatively new organization doing so well. I am told the costumes were just amazing, especially “Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett.” And King Carl’s train descended from the ceiling! Wow! The Boozester may have to personally “spy” on this one next year.

Beatles Magical Mystery tour proves inspirational

One of my spies went to the Mobile Symphony Orchestra’s “Magical Mystery Tour” Tribute to the Beatles on Friday, Feb. 7 at the Saenger Theare. The spy said it was great and one group of party goers decided to have their own “Magical Mystery Tour” of sorts.

“Right in front, as I arrived, a huge, shiny black limo, complete with a uniformed driver drove up and out emerged many people,” who had all been to dinner and were now going to the show. Now, the “Magical Mystery” tours Boozie is more familiar with usually involve VW vans and putting things other than food inside your body, but I like this too.

Also, my spy said fresh off from his new and somewhat controversial Super Bowl ad, local attorney David J. Maloney whose tagline “I will personally return your phone call” was spotted at Café 219 dining with his wife and child just before the Beatles show. The spy said he did get up and run outside to personally “take” a phone call during dinner. No word on if any were returned.

Sammy’s getting some action

On Valentine’s Day, a spy driving by Sammy’s Gentleman’s Club noticed a charter bus parked right out in front and made the Boozester aware. Who says you have to be all alone on VD? You don’t! Just get your singles ready.

Spies heart the Magical Mythical Places of the Order of Osiris

As the oldest all-inclusive Mardi Gras organization in town, it’s also nice to see this fine group still doing well. My spy had the following report about their Valentine’s Day ball:

Queen Traci and King Bryan were absolutely stunning and looked picture perfect next to their emblems Osiris, Isis, and Horus. The stage included a huge throne, chandeliers, and even a fountain.

I spotted quite a few local celebrities there including WPMI’s Darwin Singleton and the stunning morning anchor Kelly Jones.

The theme this year was Magical Mythical Places, which included Cloud 9, Xanadu, Wonderland, and Asgard.

Costumes of note:

Iceman: He had hundreds of glass icicles attached to him. Surprised no one was injured.

Avatar: She looked straight from the movie completely covered in blue body paint with dreaded blue hair. She bounced around on a trampoline as it moved across the dance floor, and somehow didn’t bounce out.

Xanadu: How they were able to roller skate around the convention center after “celebrating” all day and not breaking a leg, I don’t know.

Cloud 9: Was like watching the Victoria’s Secret fashion show! Those wings were amazing! Also loved the two men in short leather shorts and vests.

Neverland: Somehow was turned into a large penis in a frying pan and two pregnant Tinkerbelles. While I don’t quite understand the Peter in a Pan take on this beloved Disney classic, I do enjoy a bit of jaw dropping moments at this ball.

Pee-wee’s Playhouse: This took me straight back to my childhood with with Chairy and Jambi! Pee-wee even did the Pee-wee dance to “Tequila!”

New Monarchs crowned King Howie and King Mel. Another wonderful time had by all.

The Dragons “cruise” into the terminal

The Dragons, one of the oldest and most selective non-parading societies had their ball last weekend at the cruise terminal because the theme was “Cruising Around” to various “ports.” My spy said, “when they cruised into Mobile, they were met by none other than the (Youtube sensations and the Boozester’s favorite dance team), the PRANCING ELITES!” The Elites went out on stage had a huge opening performance and at the end whipped out big fans and out from behind them came the lovely MCA Mardi Gras Queen, Madeleine Maury Downing. Sounds like quite the show!

Local clinic offers revelers relief

In bigger cities across the country, businesses are offering “hangover cures” by providing an IV bag of fluids among other things to make you feel better after a night of over-indulgence. Some of these “cures” are even offered on a bus.

Locally, Immediate Care of the South is offering a similar kind of relief at all of their locations, just in time for Mardi Gras.

While they do not say they can provide “hangover cures,” they can treat symptoms that may emerge after many nights of heavy drinking in a row, like dehydration or other issues that may arise. And they can do this treatment for much cheaper than a trip to the emergency room — just for a regular doctor co-pay.

Boozie says thank you, thank you, thank you and go ahead and book me an appointment on Ash Wednesday, as she feels certain she will be “dehydrated.” You can find all of their locations and contact info at www.medcare-al.com

Well kids, that’s all I got this issue. Next time, I’ll have the rest of the Gras gossip, so it should be a super-sized one. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ IV fluid bag lovin’, I will be there. Cioa!