YEA, though I walk through the Valley of The Evil-doers and their Den of Iniquity in Monkey Town, I will fear no evil. For my 45-caliber rod and 30-caliber staff, they comfort me. I will follow in the footsteps of thy Humble Servant, Noah, who after the Flood did plant a vineyard, and maketh wine, and was drunken, and took a nap.
AND, YOU DID SEND YOUR ONLY BEGOTTEN SON TO TURN THE WATER INTO WINE.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. For YOU have anointed unto us a Great Leader in the Land of Alabama to lead us to the Land of Milk and Honey, but lo, who pray are these men who bear great bunches of grapes to us from lands afar that we cannot e-Verify? And, we are flooded with their wicked brew, which is ungodly and unlike that which we can do better from our fields of fruit and grain?
Does the sacred stone that you have sent to us from Mount Etowah have graven upon it, “THOU SHALT NOT MAKETH OR DRINKETH THINE OWN WINE AND HUMBLE BREW?” Give unto us the strength to bear our burdens and share the fruits and wines of our labor with Other Thirsty Souls that travel life’s road, that we shall be friends and free to share thy blessings upon us.
Deliver us, oh Lord, from this Valley of Evil-doers and lead us beside the still waters of Conecuh Ridge and maketh us to lie down in the green pastures of our Sweet Home Alabama.
And save us, oh Lord, from the fiery furnaces of the Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board, because we refuse to bow down, and worship the high priests who deliver unto us the Evil Drink from lands afar, for it is not of our land, and we know not who maketh it.
THY HUMBLE SERVANT,