On Friday, Oct. 7, the Washington Post released a 2005 recording of Donald Trump saying his star power allowed him to grab the downtown lady parts of any gorgeous woman he desired, although he used much saltier language. (Yes, one of the two words all women hate.)

The next day Mobile native and Congressman Bradley Byrne released a statement pulling his endorsement and suggesting Trump step down and let his VP pick, Mike Pence, move to the top of the ticket.

“Donald Trump’s comments regarding women were disgraceful and appalling,” Byrne said. “There are absolutely no circumstances under which it would ever be appropriate to speak of women in such a way.”

Meanwhile, U.S. Senator Jeff Sessions, a Trump advisor, who also calls Mobile home when not in Washington, was grappling with whether walking around grabbing the “p-word” of random women was actually a form of sexual assault, saying he thought that was “a bit of a stretch.”

Ummmmm, OK.

One of these Mobile Republicans is being praised on social media and talk radio by Alabamians; the other is being excoriated. Can you guess which one is getting pounded?

In a normal world, the answer would be Sen. Jeff Sessions, who, don’t get me wrong, is taking a TREMENDOUS amount of heat from women, Dems and rational human beings from across the country, but also receiving praise from some of his constituents, even women.

Rep. Byrne is actually dealing with comments like, “Bradley Byrne, shut up and vote for Killary, TRADER!” I assume the gentleman who wrote this meant “traitor.”

Or this gem: “YOU are a DISGRACE to our country, veterans, Military, and police!! You obviously WANT Hillary to win! I CANNOT BELIEVE the imbeciles, INCLUDING YOU, that denounce TRUMP! Look at the DEMOCRAPS! THEY WANT TO WIN and stand behind their candidate who has done MORE DAMAGE TO OUR COUNTRY AND WILL DO MORE DAMAGE!! But YOU and your HYPOCRITICAL SCUMBAGS don’t stand behind OUR CANDIDATE, because he said some mean, crude things???? GET SOME BACKBONE!!! This isn’t about YOU! It’s about our COUNTRY and SAVING IT FROM A LYING, CORRUPT, CROOK and CRIMINAL!!!

START ACTING LIKE A TRUE AMERICAN AND HELP OUR NOMINEE!!! You should ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!!!”

Let me remind you all of this vitriol is for a man who has two daughters and a wife, and called Trump’s statements “disgraceful and appalling,” because, well they were… and only suggested Trump step down so a far more conservative person could move to the top of the ticket.  

And he is a “scumbag” for this apparently. This is the Bizarro World in which we now live.

People, it’s time to simmer down. I doubt the man is about to start sporting his “I’m with Her” shirt. As the mother of a daughter I thank you, Bradley Byrne, for calling a spade a spade, which ironically is what Trump supporters like about him. Byrne went with his conscience even when he had to know it would not be the smartest political move, given Trump’s numbers in our neck of the woods. That shows great courage and statesmanship in my book.

And I don’t know what Jeff Sessions was thinking. I think we all learned what good touch and bad touch was in kindergarten. This was definitely bad touch, Senator. I think I still have some coloring sheets my kids were given at school on this subject matter if you need to review them. (I kept them because I thought they were kind of creepy. Is that weird?)

And yes, Hillary Clinton’s Wall Street speeches and that public/private comment she made and their foundation piggy bank and just all of that old, tired, dusty baggage she brings with her, it is icky too.

I get it, people! Hence, why our nation is so divided.

It makes me sad. I want to be inspired by my choice for president. This election cycle I am choosing less nauseating and less disastrous.

I am sure many of my friends and neighbors and family members are going to make a different choice than I am. I am not going to hate them or hope they burn in Hell for it.  Or incessantly send them memes using Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka in an effort to tell them how dumb their political choice is or links to some wackadoodle website. I mean, I may hide them on Facebook for a while, but other than that, we will all be good.

Because whoever wins, after this election is over, we are all going to be sitting right here in South Alabama together, trying to get through life day by day — debating  who is going to win the Iron Bowl and how much longer before they ever complete that dang bridge, watching airplanes we make right here take flight and wondering where exactly those new Peanut Men at the cannon are getting their nuts from.

And we’re all going to be OK, despite what those Wonka memes warn. Thankfully, those fancy old guys who wore wigs and set this whole democracy thing up made sure there were enough checks and balances in place so we would never have another tyrannical king or queen ruling our great nation. Thanks, founding dudes!

So everyone, take a deep breath. Step away from your computer and social media feeds of hate and walk outside and enjoy the cool weather. Don’t set up any private servers or grab anyone’s private parts (unless they want you to), and know we only have to endure this insanity for a few more weeks.