April Fool’s Day came and went and about the only thing that really “got us” was a line of bad weather that wasn’t all that bad, but still served to shut down most area schools last Monday. Teachers and students rejoiced but parents said “Good one, Mother Nature. Are you going to take care of my kids today?”
Aside from a joke of a weather system, though, there didn’t seem to be as much of a concerted effort to “fool us” for this silly “holiday” as there has been in years past. However, that doesn’t mean we aren’t already being played for ones even though we are far past April 1 now.
Shall we take a look at some of the people in this great state who are still making us look like a bunch fools, or those who still just might?
Lovernor Robert Bentley and the Masons
Someone, some (governmental) body, anybody, please, please, please just make them all go away. As this issue hits the streets, the state Ethics Commission is supposed to announce the findings of its investigation into whether or not the governor misused state funds to cover up his relationship with his former adviser, Rebekah Caldwell Mason.
We have all now heard the infamous tape of our Luv Guv talking about just how much he loved holding his lady adviser’s boobies and how they needed to move his assistant’s desk so Wanda couldn’t hear them.
Ewww. Ewwww. Ewwww. Ewwwwww.
He should be impeached just for making us all have to conjure those images.
On a side note, I do hope Wanda’s desk ends up in the state history museum. That sure would make those fourth-grade trips to Montgomery a lot more interesting.
But if the commission finds he did use state resources to facilitate or cover up this affair, as has been alleged, the House Judiciary Committee is expected to proceed with impeachment proceedings. If impeached, Bentley would be removed from office immediately and then tried in the Senate. If the Senate acquits him, he could return to office. Otherwise, he’s out, and in addition to being removed from office he could face criminal charges.
It has been rumored that if the Ethics Commission rules against him, the lovesick governor would resign from office before the Judiciary Committee started impeachment proceedings, but he has yet to show any willingness to back down from this or to even accept any real responsibility for his actions.
After causing the state and his family such embarrassment and while he was being investigated, he still had the gall to take the Masons with him to Trump’s inauguration on the state plane.
Talk giving the finger to the state of Alabama.
The man either has cojones the size of the capitol dome or is so mesmerized by this woman (barf) he just can’t help himself. I think the latter is far more likely and far more dangerous.
I hope by the end of the week we will have turned the page of this yearlong state soap opera/nightmare. It is time to restore some dignity back to the office of the governor — whatever little was left anyway. And it is time to stop this old “fool in love” from making this state look even more foolish.
But be careful what we wish for …
As Bentley’s possible resignation and/or his removal from office looms, lots of names are being thrown around on who will run in 2018. Many of these names are just pure speculation, though some have made it official, including former Auburn University football coach Tommy Tuberville.
It will be fun to see how this plays out, as Alabama is a state far more polarized by two football teams than two political parties. While Tubs is sure to pick up the red vote, can he also get the crimson ones? Would Harvey Updyke poison all the trees on the capitol grounds if the former Tiger coach happened to be elected? Would the Iron Bowl be permanently moved to the Plains by executive order? Would all Alabamians be required to roll the trees in our yards when we receive good economic development news?
Our own Mayor Sandy Stimpson’s name has been thrown out there, but I think there is a better chance of Mobile’s First Lady murdering him if he even thought about throwing his MOB cap in the ring than him actually doing it.
There would certainly be two potential candidates who would have names that would be fun to say for four to eight years. You know, because that’s good reason to vote for someone. Governor Twinkle or Governor Boozer. The real question is, though, would a Boozer be better than a Lovernor?
But I am a little scared by one perennial candidate who may actually have a shot this time, and that is former Judge Roy Moore. I have never really thought he was a viable candidate for governor. He has tried and failed. But in this political climate we’re currently living in, where people would rather just burn the whole thing down, he is similar to the kind of “change agent” Alabamians overwhelmingly just voted to put in the West Wing.
As I chatted with one Alabama political mover and shaker about this frightening prospect, I scoffed at the idea that people would actually vote for him when it came down to it, especially South Alabama voters.
The mover/shaker quipped, “It’s not the coast that would put him in office, it’s all the snake handlers in North Alabama who would.”
This is a terrifying prospect on a couple of levels. Obviously because it involves snakes. And snakes are scary. But it is even more terrifying to think about the idea of moving from one scandal-ridden governor to another — one who has already been removed and suspended from state office not once but twice.
Fool me once, shame on him. Fool me twice, shame on us. But fool us three times?
Well, we would be a state of fools who get the government we truly deserve.
Let’s not “fool” ourselves again, Alabama.
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