Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) ­­— Having spent many a night drunk on the streets of Fairhope, you petition the probate court to rename yourself Entertainment District. Your lucky Christmas event is Breakfast with Santa.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) — In celebration of the life of Queen G, Ruth Gaynell Mathers, you dye your hair red and make a sad attempt to replicate her fried oyster recipe. Your lucky Christmas event is Lighting Up Lafayette.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) — In an urgent message to Santa, you offer to sacrifice your entire 2018 wishlist for some simple cooperation between Mayor Sandy Stimpson and the Mobile City Council. Your lucky Christmas event is the Saraland Mistletoe Market.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) — Accepting a bully’s double dog dare, you’ll get your tongue stuck on a frozen LimeBike. Your lucky Christmas event is the Dauphin Island boat parade.

Aries (3/21- 4/19) — Finally recovering from the office Christmas party, you swear off alcohol and karaoke until December 2019. Your lucky Christmas event is Christmas at Oakleigh.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) — Adopting the business approach of “two Sister Sledges are better than one,” you open a moving service called “One Man and a Truck.” Your lucky Christmas event is Christmas at the Bragg.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) — Provoked by a positive cuisine review, you’ll visit Texas de Brazil and consume an entire barnyard. Your lucky Christmas event is the Mobile Symphony Orchestra’s “‘Tis the Season” concert.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) — Inspired by Kathy Chan’s celestial jewelry exhibit at the Gulf Coast Exploreum, you gift your significant other a necklace of Uranus for Christmas. Your lucky Christmas event is Bellingrath’s Magic Christmas in Lights.

Leo (7/23-8/22) — Irritated by Alabama Power’s backtracking on the removal of coal ash from Plant Barry, you begin to package all your household garbage and ship it to P.O. Box 242, Birmingham, AL 35292. Your lucky Christmas event is Winter at The Wharf.

Virgo (8/23-9/22) — High on gingerbread, you’ll chain yourself to a tree in Bienville Square and refuse to surrender until all tree trimming specialists dress like Leatherface. Your lucky Christmas event is the 17th annual Santa Run.

Libra (9/23-10/22) — Not much of a graceful dancer, you’ll pull your Achilles tendon performing a demi-pointe somewhere between “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” and “Arabian Dance.” Your lucky Christmas event is holiday movies at the Saenger Theatre.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) — Hearing that Satori Coffee House welcomes artists of all walks, you attempt to display the Xeroxes you made of your butt in 1998. Your lucky Christmas event is the Bienville Square Elf Run.