You know you’re getting old when your weekends consist of baby showers and birthday parties. Luckily the parents and parents-to-be realize they need to provide alcohol, and a lot of it, for their guests. I’ve gotta say, if these things didn’t have alcohol I probably wouldn’t go.

While I was out celebrating babies, the spies were busy gathering gossip to shower you in! You’re welcome, I know it’s the gift you really wanted.

More than mullets tossed
The last full weekend in April has come and gone again. If you’re a seasoned Flora-Bama goer, you know that means it was Mullet Toss this past weekend! Thirty-three years later and mullets are still being tossed. If you really think about it, Mullet Toss has been around longer than a large majority of its tossers. How’s that for making you feel old?

Anyways, we will dive right in. The weather wasn’t exactly beautiful but you can still get toasted without the sun at the Flora-Bama — and people did just that. The crowds started arriving Thursday, but that might have been because it was the first night and year for the Mr. Mullet Toss Hot Body Contest. The contest is exactly what you’re thinking: guys with abs. I guess the “dad bod” is out, because the picture I received showed only six-packs. But hey, no complaints here … except that Flora-Bama needs absentee ballots!

The Mr. Mullet Toss might be new but once again they had Miss Mullet Toss and I am not going to lie, it can get crazy. Some girls really pull out all the stops to try to win; some of those stops make you wonder what their day job is …

While there are the people who enter Mr. and Miss Mullet Toss, there are also people that make you wonder what the heck they were thinking. My spy spotted so many weenie bikinis she stopped counting!

One she couldn’t get over, and says will be in her nightmares, was an old man wearing a G-string. She said it was so low in the front that his saggy package was barely covered. The back was equally saggy, but hey, at least he had a good tan, right?

The other guy she couldn’t get over was wearing a little bit, but not much, more. He rocked an American flag weenie bikini with a major shorts tan but complemented the flag bikini by shaving away his chest hair and leaving just “USA” and a flag.

Speaking of tan lines, I’ve gotta ask: What are some of these girls thinking when they wear high-waisted swimsuit bottoms with these crazy tops with a million straps? Do they not get crazy tan lines? Another question is, what is up with wearing jean shorts but leaving them unbuttoned and unzipped? Maybe I’m behind on the fashion trends or maybe some of those girls were wishing they were at a music festival, like Fyre Fest? Who knows, and who really cares?

Enough about what people were and weren’t wearing and more about what was going on. Yeah sure, mullets were tossed, and I hear the winner tossed his mullet 154 feet! But I know y’all want to hear about the good, the bad and the ugly.

My spy said it was hard to say whether there were more or fewer people there this year; she said some in her group thought more, some thought less. She did say she felt there were more tents, and people got creative with them. One tent had a baby pool so they wouldn’t have to get in the Gulf to cool off!

She also mentioned the dance floor was hopping, some people were just dancing while others grinded. Boozie’s spy knows how to pick them, she said her favorite was a guy dancing on his own with a handle of Malibu!

It’s all fun and games until some guy throws up in the sand. But no worries then either, as his friends just kick sand over it to cover it up. Umm, gross … but party on!

Steal my kisses
This past Saturday night Ben Harper played at Soul Kitchen and my spy says the show was phenomenal, and he and his band brought down the house. She said her favorite song was “With My Own Two Hands.” Boozie’s favorite would have been “Steal my Kisses,” in case you were wondering.

Well, kids, that’s all I’ve got this week. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ G-string lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!