Everybody knows global warming is real.
It’s indisputable. All the scientists say it is real. But you don’t even need scientists. Even a third-grade science student can conclude that more greenhouse gases in the atmosphere means a warmer planet. That’s just a scientific fact.
Therefore, a warming planet means melting ice. And anyone who has watched ice cubes melt in a glass can draw a comparison to glaciers melting into the ocean and conclude that sea levels will rise.
Rising sea levels mean a threat to coastlines, and 29 percent of the country’s population lives near a coast.
Panic! But wait — what if …
Last week, U.S. Rep. Mo Brooks of Huntsville dared to offer another possible cause for sea levels to rise. He didn’t deny that sea levels were rising. He suggested that a shrinking land mass deposited into the oceans through silt and erosion could be responsible for a rising sea level.
“Every time you have that soil or rock or whatever it is that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise, because now you have less space in those oceans, because the bottom is moving up,” Brooks said during a House Science, Space and Technology Committee hearing.
That seems like a plausible theory. Instead of an ice cube melting into a glass of water and causing a water level to rise, dropping a rock or empty sugar packets into a glass of water could also cause the water level to rise. To what extent this phenomenon is occurring on the planet, it would be hard to say.
If you piled up silt from every river that flows into the ocean (and that is a lot of rivers), and all of the water displaced by rock — from molten lava to landslides, and maybe even a few man-made islands in the South China Sea — the laws of physics require some amount of water be displaced.
If at any time during this fashionable global warming scare over the last 20 years polar ice has increased (and there is data to be had during this time), why haven’t the sea levels fallen?
Ahh, none of that matters. What matters is some hick congressman from Alabammer said throwing rocks in the water is causing sea levels to rise.
Bless his heart. He can’t help it. He just doesn’t understand science.
Maybe he’s just acting dumb. Or how about he’s motivated by a life-changing $1,000 campaign donation from big oil or some nefarious interest he needs for his re-election bid. He only won re-election in 2016 by a 2-to-1 margin. Perhaps he is shooting for 3-to-1 this time and requires ExxonMobil in his back pocket.
He’s either not smart, or he’s on the take.
The pseudo-intellectuals occupying Alabama’s fourth estate have decided that he’s just not that smart.
It must have been a freak miracle that Brooks graduated from Duke University in three years with a double major in political science and economics, with highest honors in economics. And throw in a law degree from The University of Alabama. Like rocks falling in the ocean and cause rising water levels or something.
He’s almost certainly no match for AL.com’s John Archibald.
Archibald, with scientific credentials obtained from The University of Alabama’s journalism school and the School of Hard Knocks working as a stuntman at an Orlando theme park, dismisses the theory Brooks posited as barely worthy of ridicule.
“Rocks. Into the sea. Like we just put too much ice in our tea,” Archibald waxed poetically in a column as only a Pulitzer Prize-winner can. “It would have been comical if it had come from a middle school science fair, but it didn’t. It came from a guy on a committee making decisions for the most powerful country on earth about the future of the planet.”
Oh. The. Humanity. This one member among 435 other members of one-half of one of the three branches of the federal government of the most powerful country on earth is not toeing the line on the theory of anthropogenic climate change.
Start building the ark now. The planet is doomed.
Mobile’s own J.D. Crowe, one of Archibald’s colleagues at the state’s largest consortium of three-day-a-week print newspapers, also vented his disgust of Brooks by drawing the congressman’s head as a box of rocks and asking if Brooks were dumber or smarter than a box of rocks.
It’s not clear what the end goal is here for these two and the other brilliant minds that practice the sacred art of journalism with scorn and ridicule of Brooks on social media.
Is there the hope that Brooks will be shamed by the scholarly giants, recant his prior statements and call for a carbon tax on the House floor next week? Is it to rally for the global warming cause and urge the ignorant Alabamians in Alabama’s fifth congressional district that voted for this nincompoop the first time to turn against him?
The correct answer to both of those questions is no. They’re just writing for each other and to show even though they’re in Alabama, the outside world needs to know they are the exceptions in this backward place that have an appreciation of “science.”
That seems helpful.