OK. I have been patient. But said patience is wearing thin.

I go through the summer months and never really complain all that much about it. But now, I am officially ready for this heat and humidity to go away. What we saw at Ladd Peebles for the USA-MSU game was not football weather, my friends. It most certainly was not.

I guess we can however blame some of the shenanigans I heard about on heat-related illness, although tequila-related illness seems to be the more likely culprit.

But whatevs. Let’s just get this party started. Do people still say “whatevs?” Oh whatever. Who cares.

Jags get Jiggy

So I know it is going to be a gossip-rich day when my spies start sending me texts of them drinking strong liquor drinks at 10 a.m. And that is exactly what happened last Saturday, as thousands of USA fans headed to Ladd-Peebles to support their Jags play an SEC team (gasp!), the Mississippi State Bulldogs.

Though the Jags were not able to best the Bulldogs (as expected), they held their own, at least in the Boozester’s eyes. And while there may have been a moral victory on the field, there were many losses of morality off of it.

Two of my bodacious blonde spies (or the BBs) started their day with a rather exhilarating ride on one of the Wave Transit buses. They said there were about 40- 50 people packed in and their driver was trying to get them to stadium on time, so to speak, as she was taking curves so hard she made people spill their drinks and at one point even yelled, “Y’all hang on!” Where are Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock when you need them? (That was a reference to the movie “Speed,” youngsters.)

The BBs made it to the stadium and that’s when the party really got started. There were vodka drinks, followed by wine, followed by Coronas. You know beer always sobers you up.

One of the BBs fell twice, including in one of the sky boxes, which they reportedly were “invited” to but then got kicked out of for not having the proper credentials. Oh BBs!

The same BB who fell, then lost her hair extension, which was picked up by a local “bug expert,” who used it to make a faux rattail.

The “bug expert with the faux rattail” then continued to pour tequila in one of the BBs water all night. Yes, she was trying to sober up.

Later they took the party to Veet’s and on B-Bob’s. Oh what a night!

Willie makes lady “randy”

Out on the Causeway, local band Small Zoo delighted the crowd last weekend in everyone’s favorite geodesic “dome away from home,” Trader’s — including a group of 40-soemthing-year-old ladies who were obviously having a girl’s night out.

After the band finished covering Wet Willie’s “Keep on Smiling,” one of the ladies screamed out “I am so horny!” Her girlfriend replied, “Well, why don’t you just tell the whole bar.” To which she replied, “I think I just did.”

Now there is something to “Keep on Smiling” about.

I’m sure she had several “gentlemen” offer to help ease her predicament.

Tune in

 “Let There Be Bacon” was one of the teams competing in “The Great Food Truck Race.”

“Let There Be Bacon” was one of the teams competing in “The Great Food Truck Race.”

The episode of the “Great Food Truck Race” which was filmed in downtown Mobile last spring will air this Sunday night, Sept. 21, at 8 p.m. on the Food Network. The show is hosted by Tyler Florence and there are sure to be shots of peeps and places you know, including our own local chef “Panini Pete.”

Well kids, that’s all I have this time. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ faux rattail lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!