What a strange, strange, strange world we now live in.
As our 45th president prepares to be sworn in this week, I find myself in a place I have never been before — in some sort of unfamiliar political purgatory.
Even though we live in a red state, I have many friends who inhabit the blue dot.
I used to be a blue dotter myself — bluer than blue. But as I have gotten older, and realized with great certainty that no one person or party will ever have all of the answers, I feel adrift in a sea of purple these days. And I like purple, so I am happy with my shade of political identification.
During previous transitions and inaugurations, I felt like I was pretty much on the same page with just about everyone who was around me. We were either all really happy, or all really sad. Or we just didn’t care that much.
But this year is different. I have two completely different systems orbiting around me (or at least in my social circles and media feeds) — one full of red planets and the other blue.
The residents of the planets in the red system are ecstatic about this Friday. Even though they were lifelong Republicans, many of them acted like they hated to vote for Donald Trump. But since his victory, I sense downright giddiness and jubilation from many of them. Some are just truly excited about something new. Some are just happy it’s anyone but a Clinton. Others really love him and are openly smug — calling Dems “buttercup” and “snowflake” every chance they get. So weird.
My friends who rocket around the blue system are absolutely despondent. Mournful, even. They are considering or are going to the march in Washington or other marches across the country or organizing their own forms of protest. Or simply praying Obama will resign this week so Biden will become the 45th president and ruin all the signage that has already been printed for Trump’s inauguration, which I guess would kind of suck for him but I don’t think it would really effect much change. Sorry folks, Trump would say, the signs are wrong because of those losers Obama and Biden! Sad!
It is strange to be surrounded by both agony and ecstasy over the same upcoming historical event. Luckily, being purple is like being on an antidepressant. I feel neither high nor low. Just kind of numb.
Don’t get me wrong. The fact that a reality TV star is about to become our next president has not escaped me. I was reading some of his Tweets aloud to my husband, Frank, last night, and we just started laughing at the absolute absurdity. A few days earlier we were debating 1) the technical definition and logistics of the “golden shower” and 2) if we thought our president-elect really did get his jollies by being tinkled on by Russian prostitutes.
Yes, these are the conversations you have to have as an American now. Cue Lee Greenwood: “And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I can pee …”
A country where, according to the feeds of my blue peeps, Spencer’s Gifts is now selling a shirt reading “Grab America by the P*ssy!” Unfortunately, the shirt does not have the good manners to employ the asterisk.
I really, really, really hope I do not have to explain that one to my kids someday.
“Well you see, honey, a long time ago President Trump was on a bus with a guy named Billy Bush and they were headed to visit the set of a soap opera called ‘Days of Our Lives,’ Mom used to watch it in college, there was a possessed woman on there named Marlena. I think she was once kidnapped by Stefano DiMera and taken to a desert island. It was sick. Anyway, you see, President Trump was talking to Billy about women and said …”
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
It does gross me out and make me sad. The Trumpster was definitely not my choice, to say the least.
With that said, call me a patriotic dope, but I STILL can’t help but be hopeful for this new administration.
I hope some of the people our president is surrounding himself with may actually do the country some good. Could this new billionaire education secretary who hearts charter schools actually bring a fresh perspective to our education system? Will Alabama’s own Jeff Sessions prove his critics wrong and set up a justice department that applies the law evenly to all of us, and maybe actually enact some criminal justice reforms his predecessors couldn’t?
Maybe, just maybe they will actually be able to keep the good things about Obamacare and fix the issues that are making many Americans’ health care costs skyrocket! Maybe an oil dude is exactly who we need in the secretary of state position. I mean, black gold is what makes the world go round … and also to war, so maybe he will have the experience and know-how to get things done.
Ben Carson with the help of Steve Harvey? Yeah, I have no hope for that.
Maybe I am crazy, but for the sake of our country and my children, I really, really want to be able to say to my grandchildren one day, when I’m old and in a rocking chair and wearing my gray hair in a grandma bun, “Well, you know, kids, that Trump. He tweeted like a crazy lunatic. He was a misogynist and said some unspeakable things about women. And he may have even liked ladies of the night from foreign lands to urinate on him at times, but you know, sweethearts, surprisingly he turned out to be a pretty darn good president. Now come rub Grandma’s feet. Watch out for my bunions.”
Hey, a girl can dream, right? And you know what? While I’m dreaming, forget those bunions. My old lady feet are going to look FABULOUS! Frank is going to want to grab my old piggies by the pinkies! RRROOOOWWW!
Let freedom ring! May God bless America (and help us all)!