Season’s greetings, my little gossip loving elves, angels and devils, especially you devils. I hope you got caught under the mistletoe doing something naughty, rather than nice. I hope you Xeroxed your buns at the office Christmas party and gave out copies as “gifts” to all of your co-workers. I hope you got super rowdy and obnoxious at Iron Bowl and/or SEC Championship game parties at your friends’ houses and have since been banned from any future bowl game festivities.

If so, don’t be ashamed, hold your head up high, as you are among Boozie’s elite, and she will always love you. As someone once said, “Well behaved women (or men) rarely make history.” And they certainly don’t make Boozie.

So be proud of your misbehavior and read about that of others, right here in the holiday edition of BBN.

Charmin sales skyrocket after Iron Bowl

Area retail outlets have confirmed toilet paper sales went through the roof with Auburn’s last-second upset of bitter in-state rival Alabama. OK, so maybe those retail outlets didn’t actually confirm that, but I received numerous reports from neighborhoods all over the city that yards were rolled after the Tigers’ victory — an homage to the tradition of rolling the oaks at Toomer’s Corner. Well, that was until a crazy Alabama fan poisoned them. (My Alabama fan friends don’t claim that nutcase.)

But I’m told some of the most impressive “rollings” were in the OGD, including the TP-ing of one huge Alabama fan’s house. There were also some spotted in De Tonti, Chateauguay and on Schillinger Road, and I’m sure that’s not all of it.

We hear at least one fight almost broke out in the OGD between someone who “War Eagled” an unmarked Bama fan accidentally just after the game ended. Oops. We also hear one Auburn fan who passed out an Iron Bowl party woke up with Roll Tide “Sharpied” in red all over his face.

Wear your colors with pride (or at your own risk)

A couple of my spies headed up to Atlanta for the SEC Championship game with friends, as they have every year for the last 17 years, no matter who is playing. Their group includes an Alabama fan, an LSU fan, a Florida fan, among other SEC schools, all of whom wear their school’s colors, no matter who is playing in the game.

Well, it seems the Alabama fan’s attire had mixed reviews at this year’s championship between Auburn and Missouri. One Auburn lady fan, who saw the group hugged the Alabama fan and said, “Thank you for supporting the SEC.”

But the same ‘Bama fan did not find as nice of a reception in the men’s room. As he was, um, pondering life at the urinal, an Auburn fan came up behind him and screamed “Dumbass!”

Well, one thing we can all agree on in the SEC, every team has their good fans and the ones we would like to poison ourselves.

But either way, don’t you love this football-crazed land we live in? I sure do. War Tide! Roll Eagle!

I can’t wait to hear even more tales from New Orleans and Pasadena.

Alabama Shakes rock the Saenger

I heard watching the Alabama Shakes show at the Saenger Theatre on Sunday, Dec. 8, was “like going to church,” in a good way. It was so well attended apparently the only ATM machine ran out of money, forcing numerous people to bum cash off friends for drinks, as the bar was cash only. Not word yet on if any of these “loans” have been paid back.

The audience was like a who’s who of local Mobile musicians and lead singer Brittany Howard’s dad was also in attendance to see his daughter.

After the show, the opening band Clear Plastic Masks played at Alabama Music Box and we hear that none other than Miss Howard herself showed up and posed for pictures with fans. Sources say she was high-fiving folks as she walked down Dauphin Street.

We are so happy to see the Saenger jam-packed and filled with fantastic music again, as it should be. Can’t wait until the next show.

Prancing Elites need your help

Everyone’s favorite dancing team from Mobile, The Prancing Elites, who went viral after Shaquille O’ Neal tweeted a video of one of their performances need your help. The Elites, who performed at the Nappie Awards last year and delighted the crowd, are trying to raise money to make it to the next round of “America’s Got Talent.” They need funds for new costumes and rehearsal space, so please help support our local talent by visiting their Kickstarter page and making a donation.

Free rides home

I just can’t imagine why they thought my readers may need this over the holiday season, but I told them I would pass it along. Bradford Health Services is offering a “Free Ride Home” during the holiday season to make it safer for everyone on the road. Staff and patrons at restaurants and bars or individuals may call for a free ride home for anyone too impaired to drive.

This free community service is available from Dec. 15 through Dec. 31 for adults 21 years of age or older. Bradford’s Free Ride home will be provided within a 30-mile radius. For further information or to arrange a ride, please call Bradford at (251) 633-0900 or (800) 333-0906. The Boozester always prefers a chauffeur after an evening of over-indulgence!

Well my kids, that’s all I got right now. I should have all of the Christmas party reports in next issue. May your eggnog be spiked and your stocking full of switches. And remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ Brittany Howard lovin’, I will be there. Ciao!